WHY MEN MAY NOT BE HAPPY..HERES WOMEN TO AVOID!!!
If your relationships never seem to bring you anything but pain, if "the fucking you get isn't worth the fucking you get," it may simply mean you're choosing witches, bitches, and crazy ladies, and there are a lot of them out there. Contrary to popular belief, the craziest ladies have NOT been in therapy. The ones who are truly crazy stay far, far away from help.
Just because you've been involved in go-nowhere, crazy-love relationships with women who've treated you badly doesn't mean you are incapable of sane love. You may have a fatal fascination for the wrong kind of femme fatale. Some women are sexy and attractive and even fun, but it's a big mistake to fall in love with them. Following are the classic types NOT to get serious about (we're going to have a little fun with these caricatures, but there's a lot of cautionary truth in each one):
The Deviant
At first, the Deviant is a lot of fun, the bad girl down the block your mother always told you to stay away from. In the beginning, it's a kick to be with her. She's always doing the unexpected. If the light says red, she zooms through. If there's a new illegal drug, she's the first to try it. If there's a new illicit or amoral activity, she gets excited and can't wait to do it.
The Deviant is irresistible in bed, where her deviant behavior really shines. No matter what sex act you've imagined, she'll be willing to try it. If you haven't thought of it, she will. That's why you find it so hard to leave her, even after you've bailed her out of jail a few times on assorted charges and she's almost gotten you arrested too. Deep in your heart, you know there will never be sex like this again. You know your deviant woman is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience true decadence.
The biggest problem with the Deviant is that she gets you into trouble. Trouble with the police, the DMV, the IRS, your parents, your boss, your landlord, your friends, and anyone else who is a regular member of straight society. Besides, no matter how much fun she seems to be having with you, the Deviant is really just a thrill whore -- she'll perform fellatio on you in the front seat of a sports car at 120 miles per hour, but if some guy suggests screwing while skydiving, she'll be gone in a flash.
The True Believer
The True Believer is on the cutting edge of whatever new philosophy, psychology, or new-wave woo-woo comes along. She's a channeler, an astrologer, a fortune-teller, a healer, a yogi, a spiritual master -- and whatever she's into at the moment, it's the true answer to all the world's problems.
She has a Ouija board, Tarot cards, I Ching coins, yoga and meditation tapes, healing music, and a roomful of crystals. She's open to anything, including you, as long as you believe.
So you follow her out into the desert in the middle of the night to wait for spaceship Moonbeam to land and take you off into the next world, and so what if it doesn't come? You've done a lot more for women and had a lot less fun.
One man I know gave up a thriving law practice to follow a True Believer on a trek across India. They were both to have come back as gods. True story. What happened is they broke up. Walking across India can get old if you don't believe enough.
The True Believer does have some advantages, though. She doesn't eat meat and she doesn't drink, so she's a cheap date. She comes with a built-in group of friends and preset rules. You never have to make any decisions, you just have to follow along with the group, and believe, believe, believe. Of course, the first time you guffaw during a seance, the romance is over.
The Timebomb
The TimeBomb is an emotional lethal weapon that goes off with no warning just when you think your life is under control.
The most frightening thing about the TimeBomb is that she looks so normal on the surface; you can't tell she's a TimeBomb until she explodes on you a couple of times. She's the type who gets drunk at an important business dinner and pours a Martini over your boss's head. Or she has an affair with your best friend and gets pregnant, and you don't know whose kid it is. Or she starts yelling, "I don't, I don't!" in the middle of your wedding ceremony. Or she just disappears one day, leaving you with 10-month-old Junior.
She's so cute and seemed so perfect that you overlook the clues which were there all along. Her parents have given up on her, none of her ex-boyfriends is speaking to her, and she usually doesn't live close to home, because she needs new territory, some place where people don't know her yet. Timebombs always seem too good to be true -- and they are.
Unless it's her disappearing act, you take back after a blowup, because she seems so sweet that you're sure it was an aberration. Slowly, the hard way, you learn it's not an aberration; it's a pattern. So no matter how many times she promises to behave, don't believe her. You can be sure another blowup is brewing. It's just a matter of time.
Lolita
Lolita is so adorable, so affectionate, so malleable, so sexy, and so young. She looks up to you as the wise teacher and you love the role. You imagine yourself molding her into the grown-up woman of your dreams. You'll just keep her around until she's matured into your own little Stepford Wife, showing her the ropes, keeping her pure and sheltered. If you really believe that, you need your head examined.
Actually, she's just discovered her sexual power and is trying it out on you. She's also probable jailbait, but you don't care. You're flattered at your ability to attract a much younger woman and couldn't care less what anyone says. What she really wants is to get even with Daddy by screwing you, and as soon as some twenty-year-old Adonis shows up, she'll leave you and shower him with all the wonderful pleasures you've taught her how to provide. Inexperienced lout that he is, he won't appreciate her, which will only make her love him more.
She'll possibly be ready for a serious relationship in about fifteen years, but by that time you'll be too old to enjoy her.
The Starlet
Breathlessly gorgeous, the Starlet is the ultimate armpiece at a cocktail party. Once you start a conversation with her, though, the image is shattered. There's nothing more disconcerting than finding out that the woman of your dreams wants to be a Playboy centerfold -- "Seriously, sure! I mean, you know, just to get my career started!"
You'll probably have her for about two dates if you promise to introduce her to your brother-in-law at the William Morris Agency. She's always looking for bigger game, though, so keep an eye on her. Kissinger was right: "Power is an aphrodisiac." Let her meet an actor, ex-astronaut, or even a newsworthy politician, and she's gone for the night. She'll be back in the morning, though.
You'll often see pictures of a nice normal guy marrying a Starlet type, looking naively happy on his wedding day. A year later in the divorce news, you'll see the same guy looking shell-shocked and threadbare. Very few starlets get to be stars. When they don't, they invariably blame the men in their lives and either make them miserable or dump them. If you get hooked on a Starlet, you're dippier than she is.
The Achiever
The Achiever already makes more money than you do, and she likes it that way. It gives her power she's too insecure to live without.
On the surface, the Achiever may look like the dream woman of the 1990s. She's bright, witty, and attractive. If you're the kind of guy who's not put off by high-powered women, you find it flattering that she's chosen you over all the high-powered guys she meets at work.
In the beginning, your romance with the Achiever is a rush. You enjoy the fast pace, the time-is-more-important-than- money lifestyle. You even have occasional fantasies of being a kept man, of living a life of leisure on her terrific salary.
Then her secretary calls to tell you that she's off to the airport for an out-of-town meeting and can't make the trip to Hawaii you'd been planning for six months. Or she proposes going into business together. She's got it all figured out, and she can raise the money. Soon after that, your ulcers start. If the business is a failure, your relationship falls apart. More likely, the business will be a roaring success, and you'll never see her without making an appointment with her administrative assistant.
Life with the Achiever means you come after the achievement. Whatever is going on in your relationship is trivial compared with her next presentation, merger, sale, or promotion. And you can forget a home life. For her, quality time together is a round of golf shared with some visiting businessmen. Like the famous scene in the movie "Network" with Faye Dunaway, she won't have sex unless she can reach the bedside phone, in case there's a business call.
The Achiever is hell to live with, but you won't get sympathy from anyone. She'll claim she's doing it all "for us." Your parents will be in awe of her and think you're a complainer, and your male friends will say you got just what you deserve.
The Virgin
--or almost. The Virgin has never had an orgasm before, and may never again without your constant attention. And now she loves you, loves you, loves you, like an adoring puppy. Of course, if the relationship doesn't work out, it's all your fault, since she was a virgin, or almost, before she got involved with you.
Fooling around with the Virgin is fun for a while, but it's like the electric company. Once you turn on the juice, you have to keep paying the bills. And paying and paying. Most Virgins aren't very practiced at birth control, so they often get pregnant, and they definitely don't believe in abortion. So you're stuck, for life -- with the Virgin, the Virgin's parents, church choir, and a very conservative lifestyle.
Of course, it's an ego trip to think that you're the guy who finally broke through her reserve, that only you can make Ms. Frigid act like a sexual lunatic in bed. But the ego massage lasts only so long, and then you realize that the only thing you saw in her was the challenge.
The Man-hater
Accept it. Some women just don't like men, often with good cause. The Man-Hater loves to find a nice guy like you who'll stand there while she takes out her hostility for what other men have done to her. You'll wind up paying for the misdeeds of every man in her life, from the boy who tormented her in kindergarten to her younger brother, her father, and especially her first husband.
Man-Haters look like ordinary women when you meet them, but there are signs of incipient man-hating. Man-Haters consistently put down men and praise women. In the beginning, the Man-Hater pretends that you're different from all those other men who've treated her badly, but soon she begins to see signs that you're really not. By this time, you're in love with her, so you try to convince her by the power of your love that you're one of the good guys.
The trouble with a Man-Hater is that she doesn't recognize a good guy when she gets one. Even the smallest indiscretion, like leaving the toilet seat up or not being able to find something when it's right under your nose, will reveal the permanent unforgivable rotten core she sees lurking inside all men.
The Man-Hater often covers her basic dislike and mistrust of all men with feminist grievances. She's not putting down men, she's defending women.
No matter how much you love a Man-Hater, you won't be able to make up for the wrongs suffered by her and all the other women in the world, which she'll expect you to do. Don't even think about being the good guy who changes her mind about men.
The Waffler
The Waffler just can't make up her mind. She can't decide if she wants you or someone else. She can't decide if she wants to have a relationship or just fool around. One week she's a member of the girls-just-want-to-have-fun club, and the next she's talking about having babies.
The Waffler hates making dates in advance. "Call me Friday and we'll talk about Saturday night." Or "I won't know until I talk to my veterinarian to see how my sick cat is doing." Greed keeps the Waffler from making any irrevocable decisions. If she commits to going out with you too soon, well, something better may just come along and then where will she be?
The Waffler breaks dates all the time, because something better does come along or because she simply changes her mind. The Waffler has a fantasy man in mind and a fantasy relationship. Since nobody's reality ever lives up to her fantasies, a Waffler who makes a date ahead of time begins to dread the date as it approaches. She knows you can never be as terrific as she is hoping you'll be.
One reason the Waffler isn't fun to be with is because she's never happy in the moment. She's always yearning for someone else, someone taller, stronger, richer, better in bed -- someone she'll never find.
The Walking Wounded
Because she is just divorced or ending a long-term relationship, the Walking Wounded needs a interim relation- ship while she figures out what happened, who she is, where her self-esteem went, and what she's going to do with her life.
Should you make the mistake of accepting the assignment, you'll be in for an unlimited amount of crying towel duty. The Walking Wounded will spend hours telling you how that monster did her wrong. She'll replay her last relationship ad nauseum, and your life will be filled with stories of what he did yesterday and today and what he's going to do tomorrow.
She spends most of her time talking, thinking, wondering, worrying about him instead of you. You'll always feel like she loves him more than she loves you even though he treated her so badly; and so you try harder to treat her even better. You bring flowers, you tell her you love her forty times a day, you buy her presents. But no matter what you do, the shadow of her broken heart hangs over your relationship.
Let some other guy be her interim relationship.
The Supervisor
The Supervisor is a perfectionist who goes around assessing the performance of the world to see if it lives up to her exalted standards. Since nothing is ever perfect, she's constantly telling you what's wrong with everything.
At first, it can be flattering that someone with such high expectations and good taste has chosen you. So it's you and she, the two perfect people, lined up against an imperfect world. But soon you start to realize the imperfections in each other, and you turn on each other.
She realizes that your lapels are three-eighths of an inch too wide and that you're wearing last year's cuff. No sooner does she get all your clothes updated than she realizes that something is wrong with your job, or your car, or your apartment. Finding things wrong with the world is her way of life, so she can be very difficult to live with on an everyday basis.
You begin to realize that no matter what you do, no matter how much you let her run your life, it's still not perfect enough. When she realizes that you can't do anything right, she takes over living for you. Eventually, either you succumb, have a frontal lobotomy, and spend the rest of your life following her around; or you grow a beard and start wearing clothes from the Salvation Army to get her out of your life.
Why Nice Men Wind Up With Witches, Bitches, And Crazy Ladies
I've found that there are three major reasons why the nicest guys seem to wind up with the worst women.
It takes a nice man to put up with them. Witches, bitches, and crazy ladies aren't dumb. They always pick sweet, giving men, men who won't leave at the first sign of craziness, men who want to help, men who will wait for sanity to return.
A nice guy often enjoys (for awhile) the excitement a crazy lady brings to his life. At any minute she may attempt suicide, crash the car, burn the house, leave, or have a disastrous affair. What thrill can compete with the living soap opera a truly crazy lady brings to his dull everyday life?
Sometimes a nice man will find a fairly normal woman and, by letting her get away with bad behavior, actually "teach" her how to act like a bitch and walk all over him, never realizing what he's doing.
Of course, not-so-sweet guys have also been known to pick impossible women, sometimes as a strategy to avoid a committed relationship. The worse she acts, the more justified the man is in avoiding commitment. Sometimes a man even drives a woman to act crazy and then says, "See, I knew I shouldn't get involved."
Why Not Go Along For The Ride?
Why not go out with a crazy lady if she fulfills your needs? Because those are not healthy needs. In a crazy-lady relationship, you both lose. She just gets crazier and so do you.
The lineup of Women To Avoid in this Part 1 may be terrible prospects for a long-term relationship, but at least they're fun to date. There are other witches, bitches, and crazy ladies, also tempting, who you don't want to even go out with.
How To Avoid Them
Getting more serious now, the best way to avoid witches, bitches, and crazy ladies of all varieties is to understand that they have neurotic needs, whereas normal women have normal wants.
What Normal Women Want:
Marriage
Children
Girlfriends
Family ties
Laughs
Sympathy
Romance
Shopping
Presents
Attention
Affection
Kindness
Sex
Agreement
What Witches, Bitches, and Crazy Ladies Need:
To use you for their own agenda without caring what happens to you
A man to make their lives okay
Everything all at once
Unconditional love
An endless party
If you're attracted to a woman who looks like one of the classic witches, bitches, or crazy ladies, or if she seems to have a neurotic need, stay away. If she's really sexy and coming on to you, it's hard to say no, but you can reprogram that first reaction. Instead of thinking, "I wonder what she'd be like in bed," try thinking, "Whoops, there goes trouble for somebody, but it isn't going to be me!"
And remember, if you want to find happiness, try falling in love with a normal, well-adjusted woman.
YOUR
"RESILIENT BEAUTY"
~ARY~
