If ’A Christmas Story’ had been released today!
I started off to write a review of 'A Christmas Story' because several people have told me that I should watch it. Since I didn't have anything better to do today, I watched it. I enjoyed it, but as I watched, I realized how much of a politically incorrect movie it is by today's idiotic PC standards, so I watched the movie again, and wrote:
If 'A Christmas Story' had been filmed today...
Ralphie would have been sent to counceling for even wanting a BB gun, and would have been made to write a 1000 word essay on why guns are evil.
After the kid got his tongue stuck on the pole, the class would have been made to watch 'An Inconveinent Truth' to show the kids that they caused global warming due to the carbon footprint left as a result of the fire department and police department having to be called...And, the school would have been put on lockdown.
When the leg lamp was delivered, Ralphie and his brother would have been sat down, and told that their curiosity about sex was ok, and it was also ok to express themselves about it. They would have also been told that if they did not have feelings caused by the female leg, it was also ok, even they would have rather seen a man's leg.
The teacher, grading the papers would have been suspended with pay because the F's would have made the stupid kids feel inferior. She would not have been fired, because teachers unions don't allow teachers to be fired.
When they were buying a Christmas Tree, the ACLU would have showed up to file a lawsuit against the tree salesman for being insensitive to athiests, Muslims, etc for not calling it a 'holiday tree' Also, the adult Ralphie would have had a lawsuit filed against him for the stereotypical 'Arab Trader' remark.
After saying the F word, the punishments he listed would sure have listed water boarding. Not to mention, the government would have been called to take away Ralphie and arrest the parents for child abuse for the soap in the mouth...not to mention the kid who got spanked.
When Ralphie gave the teacher a fruit basket, the teacher would have either had him expelled, for inappropriate gift giving, or she would have had sex with him.
When the lamp was broken, and the father buried it, the environmentalists would have been there to fine him for burying plastic in the fragile ecosystem.
When Ralphie beat up the bully, the bully's parents would have sued Ralphie's parents, the school, as well as the parents of all the kids who watched the fight.
And, who can forget Santa offending all the ho's by saying "ho ho ho!"
And, not to mention that when he did shoot himself, the NRA would have been blamed for the accident, Red Ryder would have been sued for 3.5 million dollars.
