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Back 2 square 1,, can't fukking believe it, after being single 8yrs (mostly on purpose, 2 work out a few past crappy-devastating relationships, yes plural).
So sad / bummed -- BIG understament. Hard 2 sleep w/out the 1 i felt so safe & content with, since Sept 2012. I thot i was done w/heart-breaks, this was the best i was ever doing in a relationship. Idk how well i'll be @ starting over. Maybe i'll get in touch w/my old ex's, the 1's who are still AWsum friends? I don't fkn know. Will be a longgg while b4 i'm over my last panic-attack episode, triggered by my close Aunt & Uncle physically FORCING ME out of their home, a planned visit that THEY invited me to -- WTF??!! -- I was scared, violated & betrayed by TRUSTED & very dear relatives. So that's the state i was in when i finally got 2 see my GF. And unfortunately, it didn't get much better. At all.
New book chapter: ""What-an-IDIOT-i-was. Screwing-w/my-ANTI-ANXIETY-meds"" .... i'm kickin' myself --WHY couldn't i say to my GF what i meant, which was basically "If u can't share yur daily life w/me rite now, Can we just take a step back a breath a bit?".. Insteada Panic-Stricken me saying "i am breaking up w/u" -- Ugh!! Such HORRIBLE timing too, i did NOT know her close relative had DIED that VERY day?!? Once AGAIN,, she did NOT (or Could Not?) share w/me the important events in her life... ok, since how long b4 March? Was it late DECEMBER, yes? I mean who knows, i could have been SUPPORTIVE,, she coulda tried me? What The Hell, isn't that what ppl do when they're dating? So frustrated... w/ BOTH of us.
