Idk i jsut dont kno
been a little depressed lately ... well alot depressed actually .... but i keep telling myself ill be fine
i just ... its so hard wen my dad came home i knew it was going to be hard i knew it but i dont think i was ready i wish i had some one to talk to not over the net or on the phone somone to REALLY talk to to hug ME and tell ME its all goignto be ok.... its so hard when im doing all of this my sister cant take it shes 'weak' as some would say she cries she cant stand to see my dad like this and my mom she's exhosted and gets aggitated too easily to really HELP alot .... so it leaves me i help alll the time i bring him his water help him to the bathroom help him get situated fix his pillows get his food cover him up get his meds ...im up and down all night getting him what he needs .... i do it and i was right there holding his hand last night when he hurt so bad he cried ... and it was so hard not to cry too .... but i couldnt let myself becasue my dad needs me and he needs me to be strong .... i am strong and .. .this is hard ....
today i yellled and i shouldnt have i should have bit my tongue he needs me i shouldnt argue i should give any one a hassle but ITS SO HARD it feels like im doing it alone and to see my dad like this its heartbreaking it hurts.
and to think that his pain may never go away ....its hidious and devistating.
im so depressed i really just ughhhh i want to go to sleep and just sleep forever or at least until January cause then my dad will be better
i want some one to talk to i want someone to lean on i want some one HERE with me
I want Jeremy I want Melissa i want to take away his pain i want my family's problems to be solved.
God?.... help