No. Not booze.
Not a needle.
None of those things.
Just a shot.
Maybe in the thigh... or the arm... womehweres in the gut.. nothing life-threatening. Just a shot. Maybe it'd be enough pain to focus my thoughts and clear out some nonsense in my head.
Floating up inside I've got some crazy shit bubbling and boiling. Swirling around and just causing some shit I dont need to be dealing with anymore.
I dunno. I need another ground. Another focus. Another somethign to "occupy my time. (This one goes out to the one I love...." - REM) Hm, Maybe some more music. Play bass more.. I miss concert band, but the rehearsals are all while I'm at work.
Ninja suggested photography. I dunno. I don't think I'm artsy enough. My scientific/math oriented mind doesnt really code art/imagination anymore. lol.
Kinda why I stopped writing too. Just lost whatever creative touch I had back in HS.
I guess I worry about where I am right now. Stagnant. Stuck in this shithole drudging through college. I'm not going to be accepted into Med School. I don't put 23.45 hours a day into studying my ass off. -sigh- WTF am I going to do with a BS in Biology?
Maybe I shouldve stayed as a teacher. Who knows. Teaching would be fun. But Forensic Pathology would be so much better.
-le sigh-
I'm becoming bored again... and this time, it's not going away.
Not good.
/end
