Sunshine's blog: "Hurry Prince Charming.. I am getting restless!"

Life alterations can make assumptions Life can being peace but can this be divide If we choose to ignore our heart's true self We can break our heart or give it life of hope and dreams. But can alterations keep us from life's meaning where we keep going in search of something stronger more believing this can only be found underneath our own two feet. Life will always have alterations but it is how we deal with it that counts. Life is never easy but a bumpy road with many obstacles and we as a generation can only see the true meaning. I did not write this one it is one of a child but oh so true

If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you And share with you its beauty On the days you're feeling blue. If I could build a mountain You could call your very own; A place to find serenity, A place to be alone. If I could take your troubles I would toss them in the sea, But all these things I'm finding Are impossible for me. I cannot build a mountain Or catch a rainbow fair, But let me be what I know best, A friend who's always there.

6:51 AM. A customer called my cellphone and woke me about 15 minutes ago to lock in her interest rate. My eyes are still watering.. And thanks to my sinus infection, I'm sniffling and trying not to breathe out of my nose because it only makes me sneeze. ...I thought I was speaking to the Virgin Mary when I picked up. I think it was a little confusing for the both of us. I told her I'd call her as soon as I got into work in a few hours.. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.. I am just getting out of a relationship or at least thinking about it... It sucks waking up by yourself in a big, lonely bed. So lately, I've been sleeping on the couch with the TV on because I can cuddle up to the back of the couch and pretend it's a warm, leather body. I hate him so much right now. I hope he gets a terrible case of syphillis and dementia.. Or something. Whatever. I hope he gets some form of OCD that causes him to have a permanent compulsion that causes him to say, "There are bees all over my body" once every 1.74 minutes or else he has to bark like a dog. I'll bet that would put a damper on his sex life. Asshole. Anyhow, I woke up this morning for a craving for 2 things: 1.) My blog. 2.) A Tangueray and tonic. So, here I am... Sitting on the floor of my dirty ass apartment blogging with a nice tall glass sitting next to me. 7:06 AM I'm going to polish this bad boy off and then go back to the couch for another few hours..

Together We Created Hope. So, you want to read my mindless banter...... My convoluted ideals...... A trainwreck of confusion. Today was a day like any other. Am I to be thankful for that, or restless? What am I waiting for? Have you ever just driven with no destination? I wish I had the courage to get in my car and just drive.. and drive.. and get lost.. and find my way home again.

I don't know if it's, like, a full moon and the stars are out of alignment and the magnetic core of the Earth is polarized unequally or some shit.. But it seems like every male in my life as of the last week has had worse PMS than I do. I swear, they've all slipped off their rockers and banged their oversized skulls on something. I got into a heated conversation last night with a friend of mine. We were talking about relationships and she proceeded to tell me that I was "wrong" about how I feel about how strongly I feel about the financial responsibilty that I expect from the men I date... That pissed me off. What pissed me off was that she was telling me I was wrong about the way that I feel about what I'm attracted to, or what I feel is necessary in a relationship with ME... Not her.. Not anyone else... ME. I think that the only authority on the subject of how I feel about what responsibilities should be held in a relationship of MINE is ME. Fuck if anyone is going to impose their thoughts on what is good for ME and what I feel. Nothing makes me more angry than when someone tries to dictate what my priorities should be. For a 32 year old woman, I've got my shit together as to what makes me happy and what works for me... I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm not asking for it to be. It's my fucking cup of tea. If I want sugar and milk in it, I'll put it in.. Don't tell me that sugar and milk are EXPECTED to be in my tea because you want it to be. Anyhow.. The conversation was that I feel that it is necessary that a man that I date.. Or involve myself with.. Make more money than I do. Here is why: I am very traditional in needing clearly defined gender roles in relationships that I am in. If a man was making less money than I am, then I would be the breadwinner in the relationship. I don't want to be the breadwinner... I want to be the additional supplemental income. If I am the breadwinner, then I would hold the dominant, masculine side of the financial responsibility. I don't want that. If we got married, and we had children, then me quitting my job to raise the children would be impossible. Why? Because my income is more than one half of the income coming into the household. Also, my father was always the king of his domain. My father went to work everyday. He brought home the bacon. If my father wanted something to go a certain way, it went that way despite what my mother may have thought. My father always wore the pants in the relationship between my parents, and my mother always respected that. If I were to ever question something my father decided, the immediate answer was always the same. "Joy, it's the Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. I have the gold; I make the rules." In my relationships, I don't want to make the rules. I want to follow them. If I were bringing home the bacon, I would be wearing the pants. I don't generally respect men that wear skirts. I expect the men in my life to be better than me... Smarter than me... Stronger than me... Basically, I want to know that if I'm in a relationship, I'm with someone that can take care of me the same way my father has always taken care of my mother. She has dependent on him to support their family, and he has always depended on her to maintain his home and raise his children. If I know that I can support my family better than the man that I am with can... Well, then I guess that means that he's not better than me. He's not smarter than me. He's not stronger than me. With that kind of superiority in the relationship, it demasculinizes the person I am with. Does everyone feel this way? No... And I don't expect them to. All day at work, I am analyzing the financial situations of people who are for the most part married. It is very often that I come across applicants who have households in which the woman is the head of the household. For some people, it works. But then again, most of those couples are younger and haven't been married for more than 5-10 years. Most of those couples are also highly over extended financially. The generation of these couples are also seeing a current 50% divorce rate. However, NEVER do I come across a couple that tells me how they have been married for 20+ years and then come to discover that she makes a higher gross income than he does. Maybe I'm ignorant. Maybe I'm superficial. Maybe I'm just really full of myself. What the case is.. It is what it is. Feel free to leave your thoughts, however... Insults that are left in my comments from now on won't be tolerated. Especially by douchebag blog stalkers that don't know their asses from their elbows about anything... And leave shitty comments riddled with grammatical spelling errors. At least if you're going to be so rude, run spellcheck before you submit or else you're going to make yourself look like an even bigger asshole than you already do.

I'm compiling a list of things that I find that I think quite often while engaged in conversations with others, but don't exactly input.. Out loud, at least: "Please, for the love of God, just shut the fuck up." "You are, in fact, dumber than any given box of rocks." "What the fuck?" "No shit." "That's what I just said. Say it again." "No, seriously, shut the fuck up." "I've taken shits that have higher IQs." "SHUT UP... STOP TALKING." "It is 10 feet to the nearest exit." "I wonder what would happen if I stuck this pencil in that little hole in the wall. I think it would stay." "Don't look at me like that.. I don't really like you either." "Oh, I fucked up. Maybe if I act stupid it will get me out of trouble." "Ok, if I stick this pencil in my eye instead of the hole in the wall, I wonder if he'll stop talking." "You are so dumb. How do you survive in the wild?" "And the explaination for that would be that you suck. You suck fat ones. Get over it." "If the cleaning lady doesn't shut the fucking vacuum off while I'm talking on the phone, I'm going to beat her over the head with the fucking thing." "This guy doesn't know his ass from his elbow. He should just not talk." "I'll do it tomorrow." "If the fucking phone doesn't stop ringing, I'm going to bust a full sprint into that window." "I need to get an oil change." "That doodle I made on my desk planner kind of looks like a bunny. How cute." "Shut up." "...And the boots with the furrrr..." "I wonder how long I can hold my breath for." "They're tryin' to steal me lucky charms!" "asdfjkahsldfkhasdlfkhasldkfjahslkdjfhaweiushbc!!" "Fkushfalkshdf$%%$$$HKHKJHKJHK!!!!!!" "I'm going to laugh at that as a favor to you, because that was not even close to funny. It was so far from funny that you can't even see funny anymore. But you seem to be laughing pretty hard at it, so I'll laugh, too." "Donut." "Ooops.. Probably shouldn't have said that.. TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!" "Um.. Is this a man or a woman?" "..And the boots with the furrrrr.."... Silence.

Prince Charming, hurry up... I am getting restless. Of all the species of animals in which exist on this planet, we are the only form that enjoys sex (I've actually heard dolphins do as well, but I don't know if I believe that). Well, most of us. We don't only enjoy it, we crave it. It is a need that goes far beyond maintaining the population. This is why sex becomes recreational. We determine a mate, whether it be a day or a lifetime, and desire to share this experience with this other person. How do we determine a mate? What are the laws of attraction, and why do they differ between person to person? More importantly, what is this "game"? Game. Some people have it, some people don't. My hypothesis is that if a person feels it necessary to play this game with another person, then perhaps this person does not truly care for the other. When a scorned lover stops being a person with feelings, and becomes a toy, then it is plain to see that there is no true interest in the outcome of the relationship between the two. Some say that the game is necessary to increase the attraction, but I guess just not for me. I find it a complete turn off. I feel honesty is the best way to create a lasting, meaningful, and HONEST relationship. Games are exhausting, and cruel. If a person really likes someone, they should come out and be blunt and tell that person. If something is to come of the two people, then eventually it would because the laws of attraction would make it inevitable. If not, then be honest. Just like we are the only animals that enjoy sex, we are among the only that form attachments and hopes of the future for a mate. It is far more humane to put the curious cat out of its misery than it is to allow it to meow by the door until it is final let out. And what is it with men? Men wonder why women look at them as simple creatures... Ok, guys who are reading this: Here are the HUGE SECRETS about women that you have all been trying to demystify for thousands upon thousands of years. Being an asshole is not a turn on, being confident, however, is. The difference is tact and knowing when to say something intelligent and rightfully knowing it is a thought based on reason and logic, and something that needs not to be said. When this aforementioned thought is spoken, it is a matter of language in which determines if you have said it correctly. How would you like to be treated? I understand this is a difficult concept, but it must have been a woman that first created the Golden Rule of treat others the way you would like to be treated, because guys just do not get it. Example 1: In the beginning.. Exhibit A: Honestly saying, "I just think we have other interests, and I don't feel like a relationship would best for both of us. I feel as though we would both be happier as just friends." Exhibit B: Don't call, don't pick up your phone, after you have lead him/her on and caused him/her to feel something for you. How do you sleep at night, really? Does it take a rocket scientist to solve this riddle? Would you rather the glass of Dom Perignon, or toilet water? I'll take the champagne, please. Thank you. Example 2: "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Exhibit A: "No, darling, but I have seen jeans on you that are much more flattering." Exhibit B: "No, sweety, your ass does." Ok.. Listen up, boys. When a girl is asking you about anything that has to do with her appearance, she is hinting that she is not feeling so happy about herself as a whole. Rarely is it ever that we really care about your fashion advice, it's that you, being the person we care about and want to impress more than anyone, are the only person who could validate the security of knowing you think we are beautiful. Go figure. Example 3: A compliment. Exhibit A: "You are gorgeous/beautiful." Exhibit B: "You're hot." Exhibit A tells us that you see more than just what meets the eye.. Exhibit B tells us that you ONLY see what meets the eye. Believe it or not, we base judgement of your maturity on how you compliment us in the same manner as the way you degrade us. FYI: With this said, I don't really care how bitchy I sound, but if one more guy on MySpace sends me a message saying "You're a hottie," or "You're hot" I am deleting my account. There is SO MUCH MORE TO ME than my face. I have a brain, I have opinions, I have something to say. If you want to impress me, ask me about myself or find some tidbit of creativity to conjure up a compliment that doesn't make me feel like a piece of meat in a butchers window. Why am I ranting and raving tonight? TWO REASONS. I just sat through dinner as the third wheel watching my friend and her boyfriend, as he degraded her.. Over and over again. I couldn't say anything, it's not my relationship or my boyfriend. The last thing I would want is someone on the outside being critical about the person I share my bed and my heart with. Second, when a man approached me during my dinner tonight to tell me that I had the best table manners that he had ever seen, I was flattered and my interest was immediately piqued by such an insightful observation.. When he followed it by, "...And you're wicked hot, too".. I almost threw my drink in his face I was so insulted. I mumbled thank you, and politely bowed out of the conversation using the ladies room as a grateful excuse. Prince Charming really needs to hurry it up.. I am getting restless.