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As I sit here and think.... i've come across a lot of people which have either made me stronger or more leary of other folks.... as most of you may know... i'm a caring generous person when I can. I may not always be able to show everyone the love they may deserve. I appreciate all my friends I do have on here. I have had some so called friends in the past that i thought I treated very well and at the same time have tried to be there for them when they are feeling down and out. HHMMMM wrong move... I got treated like crap and from some who i never ever thought would do that to me. I guess it's because I am too trusting.... maybe nieve who knows.... so if anyone feels that i'm not a good friend or i don't talk to you much... it's because maybe i've been taken advantage of by people who i truly cared about and I am holding my wall up. Remember that. Sometimes because of recent things that have been going on in my real life, I just sometimes don't feel like talking..... and I have that right. I am me and always will be me so if you want to be all pissy cause i may not talk to you then it's w/e. My outlook of things lately due to my health issues and the recent passing of my dad... this year is going to be the hardest for me. so to the tru good people... bare with me and thank you for being there for me when I needed people at my side the most.
ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I WROTE ONE OF THESE BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS ON MY MIND. FIRST AND FOREMOST I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ONCE SOMEONE GOT TO KNOW ME THEY WOULD KNOW WHAT TYPE OF A PERSON I AM. I'M PRETTY QUIET FOR THE MOST PART UNTIL IT STARTS CAUSING ME GRIEF. I'VE LEARNED SINCE MY DIVORCE TO FINALLY SPEAK MY MIND... WHICH I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR THE MOST PART, BUT WHEN YOU COME OUT OF A MENTALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IT TAKES MANY YEARS TO GET OVER. I STILL STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT OF WHAT HE USE TO SAY AND IT TAKES A TOLL ON YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE WHEN YOU HEAR STUFF FROM YOUR SO CALLED FRIENDS THAT ARE SIMILAR TO WHAT YOU HAD HEARD IN THE PAST. I HAVE HAD A COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS ON HERE WHICH OK, FOR I AM A SINGLE PARENT RAISING TWO CHILDREN, I WORK FULL TIME, AND THIS HAS BEEN MY GET AWAY AND WHEN YOU FINALLY CONNECT WITH SOMEONE YOU FINALLY FEEL AT PEACE WITH YOUR FEELINGS OF SELFCONSIOUSNESS WHEN THEY ARE TELLING YOU THINGS TO BOOST YOU UP WHERE EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE.
BUT IN RECENT, I AM UNDER TARGET AGAIN AND IT DOESN'T FEEL TOO WELL. PEOPLE HAVE TRIED OVER AND OVER TO "TRY" AND FIND OUT STUFF ON ME BECAUSE THEY WANT TO HURT OTHERS. (I GUESS I'M A BIG CAM HO) IS WHAT PEOPLE THINK. YES I USE TO HAVE NSFW PICTURES IN A FOLDER AND THEY WERE TAKEN FROM WEB CAM CAPTURES... BUT THAT FOLDER HAS BEEN DELETED BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN THE HURT THAT PEOPLE WANT TO BRING TO YOU CAN SOMETIMES DRIVE YOU BACK TO YOUR OLD THOUGHTS OF BEING WORTHLESS, FAT, UGLY AND YOUR NEVER GOING TO FIND SOMEONE TO TREAT YOU LIKE YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE.... SO BACK TO BEING SELFCONSIOUS AND KEEPING TO MYSELF BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BE CAUGHT UP IN INTERNET DRAMA.... IF I AM WITH YOU I'M WITH YOU 100% BUT DON'T PLAY MY EMOTIONS.... I'M ONLY HUMAN AND FEEL HURT TOO!
KYLA
DEDICATED IN MEMORY OF GREAT UNCLE MICHAEL EWASHKO
FLOWERS
A ROSE FOR ALL THE LOVE YOU GAVE
A BLUEBELL FOR THE LOVE YOU GAINED
A DAISY FOR PEACE OF MIND
CHRYSANTHEMUM FOR BEING KIND
FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT MADE You, YOU
A TIGER LILLY FOR STAYING TRUE
TAKE THESE FLOWERS AND DEPART
REMAIN FOREVER IN MY HEART
T'was the night before Christmas,
He lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house,
Made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney,
With presents to give,
And to see just who,
In this home did live.
I looked all about,
A strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents,
Not even a tree.
No stocking by the mantle,
Just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures,
Of far distant lands.
With medals and badges,
Awards of all kinds,
A sober thought,
Came through my mind.
For this house was different,
It was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier,
Once I could see clearly.
The soldier lay sleeping,
Silent, alone,
Curled up on the floor,
In this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle,
The room in such disorder,
Not how I pictured,
A Canadian soldier.
Was this the hero,
Of whom I'd just read?,
Curled up on a poncho,
The floor for a bed?
I realized the families,
That I saw this night,
Owed their lives to these soldiers,
Who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world,
The children would play,
And grownups would celebrate,
A bright Christmas Day.
They all enjoyed freedom,
Each month of the year,
Because of the soldiers,
Like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder,
How many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas Eve,
In a land far from home.
The very thought brought
A tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees,
And started to cry.
The soldier awakened,
And I heard a rough voice,
'Santa, don't cry.
This life is my choice.
I fight for freedom,
I don't ask for more,
My life is my God,
My country, my corps.'
The soldier rolled over,
And drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it,
I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours,
So silent and still,
And we both shivered,
From the cold night's chill.
I didn't want to leave,
On that cold, dark night,
This guardian of honor,
So willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over,
With a voice, soft and pure,
Whispered, 'Carry on Santa,
It's Christmas Day, all is secure.'
One look at my watch,
And I knew he was right,
'Merry Christmas my friend,
And to all a good night.'
This poem was written by a peace keeping soldier stationed
overseas. The following is his request, I think it is reasonable.
PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many
People as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit
is due to our Canadian service men and women for our being able to
celebrate these Festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make People stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.
