Games suck. Everyone agrees but we all play them. Face it, if you were one hundred percent honest from the very beginning, you'd scare someone off. Picture it. You're on your first date, all is going well, and you ask what she wants out of life. She says something like this:
"Well, actually, I'm planning to be married within a year and pregnant within four months after that. I'd like two kids, a dog, and a house in the suburbs, preferrably on the west side of town. Do you have a minivan?"
I've been out with men who didn't play games. They call themselves "direct." I met a guy one night who really impressed me at first. He asked for my phone number and called an hour or so later, drunk, saying he just wanted to come see me. "Not to have sex or anything," he clarified. Just to see me. That classy move cost him -- the next time he called, I didn't answer. Then there are the men who start dropping the sexual innuendos right away, pushing to see just how far they can get you to go on the first date, second date, third date...
There's a little secret you men may not know about us women. We're not all that different from you. You push, we retreat. We push, you retreat. Or you get what you want then retreat later. But the thing is, when you start seeing how far you can get us to go on the first date, your odds of getting us to go anywhere on that date get slimmer and slimmer. Nakedville just ain't gonna happen. Not anytime soon.
But say instead of joking about spending the night as you're planning out that first date you say nothing about it. Then you go through the date as a complete gentleman, giving her nothing but a hug at the end of the evening. All of a sudden...guess what happens? You've left her wanting more. And wondering why you didn't put your hands all over her as every other man she's dated in the past ten years has done.
Then you get to the second date. Leading up to it you make no mention of sex on the phone but you can bet it's on her mind. In fact, every spare minute she has she's probably imagining what your first kiss will be like. When will you make the move? Are you thinking about it like she's thinking about it? It drives her crazy just wondering, wanting... But you don't clobber her on that date either. You are the perfect gentleman all night -- holding her hand and maybe putting your arm around her but nothing in the least bit sexual. At the end of the evening you give her a light, sweet kiss and head off on your way.
By now you can bet your ass she's going crazy. She's on the phone with all her friends analyzing every second of the date. Why haven't you kissed her yet? She just can't figure it out. Is it that you're not attracted? No, that can't be because you're already making plans for a third date. Isn't sex pretty much primary on a man's list when it comes to women? If so, how is it possible that you could have so much self-control?
After the third date you have to kiss her. I mean, you don't want her to think you're gay or anything. But the bottom line is, the longer you hold yourself back, the crazier she's going to be for you. Chances are you won't even have to make the first move because that woman's going to be all over you.
Think of how you feel when a woman makes you hold back. Does that not make you want her even more? It works both ways. Don't give her some big speech about how long you would like to wait or how you believe sex is a sacred thing -- don't say anything at all. Just show remarkable patience and self-restraint whenever things get physical with her. Hold yourself back as long as you can and pretty soon you'll be fending her off. (If you want to fend her off, that is!)
Saying all of that, I do acknowledge that there are some women who do not believe in sex before marriage. Or sex before some other relationship high point. But what I say to that is, she's not going to have sex with you sooner than that anyway. Not willingly. So your options are to push and push until finally she gives in and compromises her beliefs for you -- at which point you've got a girl who's going to expect a pretty darn serious commitment from your pushy self -- or to stand back and let her decide what she wants to do. But most women I've known who refuse to have sex with a man before some set deadline will pretty much do everything else so if you just lay back and let her do the chasing, chances are something's going to be happening sooner than you think.
Always leave her wanting more. Always. Games? Maybe. But if you want a woman whom you have to persuade to have sex with you by all means, keep pushing. If you want a woman who will jump right in there with you it's fairly simple. Be a gentleman like your momma raised you to be and quit acting like a horny teenager. Self-restraint is the mark of a pretty strong man.
