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Real Floridians

Just incase any of you "ex" Floridians have forgotten! You know you're from Florida when..... "Down South" means Key West. "Panhandling" means going to Pensacola. Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church. No, wait, flip flops are good for church too. Socks are only for bowling. Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit. Tap water makes you vomit. Sweet tea can be served at any meal. An alligator once walked through your neighborhood. You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida. You measure distance in minutes. You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt. You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five Minutes. All the local festivals are named after a fruit. A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level. A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,but Everything to do with shade. Your winter coat is made of denim You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites. You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas. It's not "pop." It's "soda" or "coke." Anything under 70 is chilly. You've attended a hurricane party. You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best Rides. You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches. You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee , Okahumpka and Loxahatchee. You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a Boat yourself. You've driven through Yeehaw Junction! Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the NRA and a confederate flag. You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools. You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim. You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas. You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important! You could swim before you could read. You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix. Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005. You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it Got dark. You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for. You dread the lovebug seasons. You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne. You know why flamingos are pink. You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average. You were twelve be fore you ever saw snow or you still haven't. When the northerners complain that 80 is 'so hot', you just stand there and Smile. You refer to the seasons as "Tourist Season", "Fire Season" "Hurricane Season" and "Mosquito Season"
How To Drive In Florida.... 1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Florida driver never uses them. 2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation. 3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit. 4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended. 5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially someone from Florida or Georgia. With no- fault insurance the other guy doesn't have anything to lose. 6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs. 7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare for people entering the highway. 8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in any County during rush hour. 9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Florida driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot. 10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim. 11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Florida is the home of high-speed slalom driving. 12. It is traditional in Florida to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. 13. Remember that the goal of every Florida driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary. 14. In Florida, 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned. THANK YOU & HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY
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