D L's blog: "Hopes and Dreams"

Lately, those who u think are friends, seem to be shady and two sided. In the past several months, i have made many "friends" on CT, some of which turned out to be fake, and some who I believe to be real. I have seen staged deaths and mockeries enough to drive you insane. That's the realism of internet communities.. fakeness to a degree. I had became a DJ at a lounge that at one point was very popular, and had many friends in it, and i have seen many other DJ's come and go, some to start their own lounges, so therefore creating a rift in our lil family, others have "died" but not really. I have spent months dedicating myself to the lounge, and when times got rough for the owner, i said i would take over for them, and ease the load. I gave my ALL on top of my daily life. Working numerous hours for the benefit of the lounge, while other's were "to" busy to help us out, when they were needed the most. On that note, when it comes down to it, the owner decides that the lounge is finished, no more radio, and no "intent" on returning. For the sake of this instance, to preserve what it had worked so hard for, i open a new one, in hopes to keep it alive. Me doing this, has deemed me as a "traitor" so to speak by certain "friends", in which i held dearly and thought to be true. Those who are my friends are with me now, and the others are pointing fingers and ridiculing me. FUCK ME or fuck them they say, they abandoned the lounge. The lounge was done for, it was a "sinking" ship, it was sunk. Did they patch up the Titanic? Did they manage to save Poseidon? NO, they sank, but the strong build a new ship and try to make it sail, in hopes of keeping a dream alive and a purpose for it being. Those who say i walked out, walked out on us long before this , and say that I was not loyal. The lounge was my family along with the people in it, and I did not want to see them be dispursed elsewhere. I wanted to preserve the family, so what if the place was or had a "NEW" name, that isnt the importance of it. Where were they when we needed them most, busy "training" or to tired after work, boo hoo, i work too, and yet am able to maintain the ship, and keep it afloat. I can trust what I build, for that's what i do anyways, build things, and build them strong. I'm hurt that these "friends" say bad things about me for trying to preserve and ideal, and me doing what I thought was most important, family. Just cuz the house burns down doesnt mean u can't build a new one.So in the end, who was it that really abandoned who? It's sure as hell wasn't me.. That's all for now.. blah shit

You know, I have spent my whole life trying to make something of myself. I have worked many jobs, and regret never being smarter with what I did in that time. I am like most everybody else in the world, who has hopes, and dreams. So many people out there have never had faith in my abilities, and are so blind to see what somebody is really capable of. Several years ago I had a vision that someday I would open my own Skatepark, be my own boss,maybe open my own store. I live in an area, that has a demand for what i want to offer, and so recently I put in so so much of my time, did research, made contacts, talked to many people in the area; radio stations, locals, other businesses, and they thought what i had in mind was awesome. I wanted to be the first in our area, you know? I went to many banks, some didn't give me the time of day, and I finally went to one, that gave me a small glimpse of hope. I waited agonizingly day after day, waiting for them to call me. Making preparations on what I would do and how, talking and setting up contacts, all while waiting. I had this feeling in my chest that my dreams in life would finally come true, that my life and the life of my family would be better. My heart, in my throat, the visions passing through my head, all the hype that I created and trying to prove to the Banks, that I have what it takes. My credibility may be bad, and I like most others out there have made my share of mistakes, but with this oppertunity, it would give me the chance to right all the wrongs I have made in my past. Anyways, "I'm sorry Dan, but with your credit score, and few blemishes, I just don't think there is anything we can do at this time, but maybe if you try again in a couple of years after you get your credit repaired, we Might be able to do something for you".. ok, thats that then huh, thanks anyways for believing in me. NOW, once again I have fuched my self, I have bills due, a family to take care of, people who are going to ask.. "so, how'd it go? Are you going to get to open your store? " No! I can't find anything to do for work, my body aches to much, nobody wants to pay me anything. It's going to be a continuing cycle of dreams and hopes, and the doubt of me being able to achieve them. I thought it was my time, maybe I am just filled with do much hope, and maybe I am just a dreamer, that is stuck in a permanent cycle of never ending dissapointment.