Well it's safe to say that I'm in the midst of depression. I wish I could pin point one specific reason. Maybe it's because my daughter tells me she hates me because of recent events, maybe it's because one of my best friends is mad at me or maybe it's because I feel I have no chance to make up my mistakes with someone.
I wish that my daughter didn't feel that way. Like it's all my fault and that she is losing her daddy because of me. That's not the case at all. I know AJ and I know that he cares about her and he wouldn't just leave her because things went wrong between us.
One of my best friends recently turned her back on me when I needed her the most. She fought with AJ and my friends saying some horrible things and making up several lies. I don't know what I had done to her to deserve this.
I feel like I can't make up for the mistakes that I had made with AJ. I wish I could. I would do anything or say anything to be able to turn back time to that one night where everything changed. But I can't. I feel so helpless with it. I don't know what to do or say. I don't think there is anything that can make this better. If there is I would really like to know. I would have never talked to my ex if I knew that what AJ had done meant nothing. What I did meant nothing as well, but it hurt him. And it hurt me and my daughters in the long run as well.
I hate myself for the things that I have done and for hurting three (AJ, Teagan, & Zoey) of the most important people in my life. Scratch that...those three are my life.
