Jesse's blog: "Just Stuff"

I was just like many of you who thought "what is this crazy girl talking about" when Mona posted a status. I would just read it and laugh, wonder what the hell she was going on about now and chuckle. She was the type of person that gave so much and expected nothing in return, only that you respect her wishes and what she asked of anyone, which was to just be kind to others. Sure, she went off on a lot of people for not listening to whatever she asked. You can't really fault her for that, but many never saw her in that light that i had the fortunate opportunity of doing. I had known Mona for a long time, but never had the chance to really get to know her until recently when i came to her as a regular person and not this icon as people made her out to be on fubar. No matter how much bling she ran, no matter how many Fu Ponys she had handed out, she was a normal person with feelings and just wanted to be treated as such. From conversating with her like a normal person, i got to know her better than 99% of anyone on here. We talked about everything, and in that time we came to be close. She was an amazing person with a huge heart as some of you who were lucky enough to find out already knew like i did.

We had eachothers Voxer so we would talk everyday about what we did and things happening on fubar. I talked to her on Christmas and she sounded excited about this pair of boots she got. It was so nice to hear her voice smile, and you know what im talking about. You can hear a person smile by their voice when they talk. She had that in her voice when she talked to me. It was a joy to get to know the Mona Lisa that everyone knew as just plain Mona. I can honestly say with great pleasure that i am grateful to have known such a wonderful person.

Without airing personal things out, i knew what Mona was going through being that we talked about it often. For anyone to even doubt the truth about whats being said, well keep your comments to yourself. You don't know a damn thing. For anyone who thinks they are "owed" the truth, well you can keep thinking that, but you aren't owed one damn thing. For all you people who are cracking jokes about the situation, karma is just like santa claus. It's making a list and checking that thing more then twice. I hadn't talked to her all day on thursday and sent her a message right after i saw her post her last status. I have felt guilty as hell ever since because all i think about now are "what ifs". What if i had messaged her earlier, what if i could have prevented it. What if, what if, what if??? So all you people speaking out about anything but condolences and respect for her family and friends can kiss my ass. I won't hesitate to take this weight off my shoulders and toss it into your lap for a few seconds. Her last voxer message is sitting there on my phone, and if you don't know what voxer is, its voice message app. It's sitting there, so conveniently for me to listen to, over and over again, only to find myself weep everytime.

Not exactly sure why i wrote all this, but i have been weeping like a child and needed to get it out. I miss her terribly, but i cannot be selfish, as god has gained a unique person, much too early ill add,  to help him rule his kingdom and be with the ones she loved who have been waiting for her.

R.I.P. Mona