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shadowalker's blog: "hello"

created on 12/26/2007  |  http://fubar.com/hello/b171868

shadowalker

I can't spell worth a damn and I tend to totaly ignore puncuation so here goes: I have two kids 13 & 15 the ex got every thing even the dog, car, and cell phones in fact the song she got the gold mine and I got the shaft well in this case she evan took the shaft which left me living with my sister and brother in law  now I'm living with my girl friend. I'm a nice guy so I tend to fall for wemon way to fast and to hard my ex told me once that she tried to make me angry enough to hit her but I never would and that pissed her off but  thers no reason to hit a woman ever thats how i was raised so I am kind of a door mat I'm trying to write three books the first is a christian story about the people who come in contact with a bible the second is a horror story and the third is the story of a little mexacan boy named pablo and how he lost his family and came to this country if you read this and have more questions feel free to ask me and I'll try to ansewer them as truthfully as possable 

why is it?

 



Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
 


Only in America .....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
 


Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
 


Only in
America.......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
 


Only in America .......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
 


EVER WONDER .

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
our skin?
 


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
 


Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
 


Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
 


Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
 


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
 


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
 


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
 


Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
 


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?  And step on the two cockroaches!!
 


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
 


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
 


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
 



Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
 


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
 


If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?

genius

I think we should find this guy and make him our President!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> This is from an article in the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on
>>> Sunday.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You
>>>>>> Fix the Economy?"
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I think this guy nailed it!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Dear Mr. President:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will
>>>>>> squander
>>> the
>>>>>> money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following
>> plan.
>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with
>>>>>> the following
>>>>>> stipulations:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> 1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment
>> fixed.
>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> 2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered -
>>
>>>>>> Auto Industry fixed.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
>>>>>> Housing Crisis fixed.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> It can't get any easier than that!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> If more money is needed, have all members of Congress and their
>>>>>> constituents pay their taxes...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you
>> know.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> If not, please disregard

the 'middle wife'

              The 'Middle Wife'
            by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

 
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
 
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
 
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
 
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
 
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
 
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
 
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
 
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
 
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimcing water flowing away. It was too much!)
 
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
 
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
 

pile up

A Poem That Gives You Goosebumps.. >>>> >>>> A drunk man in an Oldsmobile >>>> They said had run the light >>>> That caused the six-car pileup >>>> On 109 that night. >>>> When broken bodies lay about >>>> "And blood was everywhere," >>>> "The sirens screamed out eulogies," >>>> For death was in the air. >>>> "A mother, trapped inside her car," >>>> Was heard above the noise; >>>> Her plain tive plea near split the air: >>>> "Oh, God, please spare my boys!" >>>> She fought to loose her pinned hands; >>>> "She struggled to get free," >>>> But mangled metal held her fast >>>> In grim captivity. >>>> Her frightened eyes then focused >>>> "On where the back seat once had been," >>>> But all she saw was broken glass and >>>> Two children's seats crushed in. >>>> Her twins were nowhere to be seen; >>>> "She did not hear them cry, " >>>> "And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, " >>>> "Oh, God, don't let them die! " >>>> Then firemen came and cut her loose, " >>>> "But when they searched the back," >>>> "They found therein no little boys," >>>> But the seat belts were intact. >>>> They thought the woman had gone mad >>>> "And was traveling alone, " >>>> "But when they turned to question her, " >>>> They discovered she was gone. >>>> Policemen saw her running wild >>>> And screaming above the noise >>>> "In beseeching supplication, " >>>> Please help me find my boys! >>>> They're four years old and wear blue shirts; >>>> "Their jeans are blue to match."" >>>> "One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, " >>>> &n bsp; And they don't have a scratch. >>>> They said their daddy put them there >>>> "And gave them each a cone, " >>>> Then told them both to wait for Mom >>>> To come and take them home. >>>> "I've searched the area high and low, " >>>> But I can't find their dad. >>>> "He must have fled the scene, " >>>> "I guess, and that is very bad." >>>> "The mother hugged the twins and said, " >>>> "While wiping at a tear, " >>>> "He could not flee the scene, you see, " >>>> "For he's been dead a year." >>>> "The cop just looked confused and asked, " >>>> "Now, how can that be true? " >>>> "The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came " >>>> "And left a kiss for you."" " >>>> He told us not to worry >>>> "And that you would be all right, " >>>> And then he put us in this car with >>>> "The pretty, flashing light. " >>>> "We wanted him to stay with us, " >>>> "Because we miss him so, " >>>> "But Mommy, he just hugged us tight " >>>> And said he had to go. >>>> He said someday we'd understand >>>> "And told us not to fuss, " >>>> "And he said to tell you, Mommy," >>>> "He's watching over us." >>>> The mother knew without a doubt >>>> "That what they spoke was true, " >>>> "For she recalled their dad's last words, " >>>> " I will watch over you." >>>> The firemen's notes could not explain >>>> "The twisted, mangled car, " >>>> And how the three of them escaped >>>> Without a single scar. >>>> "But on the cop's report was scribed, " >>>> "In print so very fine, " >>>> An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109. >>

santa

The Truth About Santa Claus ============================ I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!" My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true. Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" She snorted... "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor Has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad! Now, put On your coat, and let's go." "Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a Few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my Friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, and the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked Kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a Good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas. That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's Helpers. Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going." I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby. Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: Ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have The Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

racists

There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. ...And then there are just - Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman," ... And that's OK. But when I call you Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ... You call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You Have Yom Hashoah. You have the NAACP. And you have BET. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) ... We'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day ... You would call us racists. If we had White History Month ... We'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives ... We'd be racists. We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that? If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships ... You know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly-proclaimed Black-only Colleges in the US , yet if there were "White-only Colleges" ... THAT would be a racist college. In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, ... You would call us racists. You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride ... You call us racists. You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer who is running from the LAW and posing a threat to ALL of society ... You call him a racist. I am proud. ... But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists?

the atheist

An atheist was walking in the forest admiring the trees and the flowers. he stopped to watch some fish in a large stream when from behind him the bushes started rustling when he turned to see what the commotion was he was terrified to see a giant grizzly bear come charging right towards him he started running as fast as he could but the bear was right on his heals when he tripped as he rolled over to get up the bear knocked him back down. It put one huge paw on his chest raised it's right paw to deliver the killing blow. the atheist screamed out "oh God " then every thing froze the birds in the trees the waves in the stream the bear in mid strike. The man was bathed in pure light and from that light came a voice that said "you have spent your life telling people I don't exist now you expect me to help you?" the man stared in to the light and replied no because that would make me into a hypocrite I ask that you make the bear into a Christian God said let it be so. Time started back the birds were singing the stream was flowing the bear lowered his paw looked at the man put his paws back together in prayer the man saw his chance as he got up he heard the bear say "dear God I thank you for the food I'm about to eat....."
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