Patiently Waiting's blog: "~HEAVEN~SENT~"

The Gift So many nights I lay here thinking why can't I find someone, why can't I be happy too In my mind I have a vision of what love is supposed to be. I see it in the movies and hear it on the waves, That's what I want, that's what I crave. Often wonder what I've done that it can't happen for me. They say to wait and when you least expect it love will come your way. I've waited so long, I've wanted so deeply, To love, to give, to care with my heart for this is what I long to give. I've tried before and thought I'd found it only to have been hurt again. I give so much I give my all but forever must just be too long... Someone out there has to get it, someone has to need the same. Send a sign, send a signal, then all at once it came. From in my dark and desparation, a light it shown the way. An Angel sent straight down from heaven was here to save, The darkness fled, the light shown through and right then I knew. This is the one, this is our time, for she had longed for me too. From this day forth There'll be no other, For we have vowed it to each other. Myself I give not just a portion to my Angel dear... You are a gift from God above that I shall hold forever. She has my heart that I surrender and for me she gave the same. Side by side we walk together but the hearts do beat as one. There'll never be another day like those of dark and dreary ones.

I remember when danced beneath the old oak tree, hand in hand remembering the way we used to be. Kissing in the moonlight for the very first time, was an unspoken promise, between your heart and mine. You gave shelter to my soul from the frigid night air, as we swayed to the rhythm of my heart's answered prayer. From the warmth in your eyes I could suddenly see, that together we would dance for all eternity. Yes, I knew you were the one right from the very start, God made a perfect angel then placed you in my heart. Just a glimpse of our destiny on that magical night, would seal our love forever, and forever hold it tight. And I need you more now than I ever did then, you'll always be my lover and my very best friend. There's no other place that I would rather be then dancing with you, my angel beneath our memory tree.

Recently, I became aware of the fact that, no matter what the circumstances, I can find joy and peace in my environment. Whenever I am somewhere, I cannot imagine enjoying anything but what I am up to. And yet, I move on. I am either fighting my own nomadic nature, or it is what stirs me forward and onward when I know I can be happy where I am. Something meaningful in this... I need to feel my writing more. I need to write more, in general. If I cannot understand what I am doing, then what is the point in doing it? This mindset has carried me onward for years, and I attempt to make myself as transparent as possible. Who needs misunderstanding and secrets, when clarity is so much easier to maintain? Many people apparently, even myself. I do not know if I present my true self to any; the only ones who can claim to know me are those who have dealt with me for years, and even then their opinions are colored by what they observe, and not by what truths they ignore (or might not notice). So what, then? Are there any capable of understanding, as none dare to show their real selves? Or are they hidden in plain sight, obscured by standing amongst those who decieve? Where are they, and why can I not be among them? I find it amusing that, despite what any may know about me, there is no way to find out how truthful I have been. I am myself hiding behind a stream of consciousness, even through these words. One of my friends told me that I would tell someone anything about me. This is both true and false. I keep my cards close, and show each person a different card. If any of you were able to percieve through my own senses, then you might know. Otherwise, everyone seems content to be fooled into thinking that they see the true me, instead of the me I choose to show. Or perhaps I am deluding myself. Perhaps I really am as attentioned starved and needy as I make myself out to be. Or maybe I intend to give that impression. Who knows? Consider the you,that YOU may be hiding from yourself. Notice the things that do not quite add up. They may seem to at first, but there is something deeper at work, something beyond words or reason. In a related note...is there ever an end to our actions, or the madness they bring? We have and do things which shake our foundations of thought, and are never solved. In fact, it seems we never actually recover from any of our mental trauma, really. We only learn to adjust to it and move on. Heh! GOT THIS FROM A FRIENDS BLOG...MY ADVICE IS TO JUST BE YOURSELVE..BE HAPPY AND ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST..AND IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE PERSON YOU ARE "SCREW'EM"

"Oh Man, Where to Start?" When it comes to matters of the heart, each one of us has a story to tell. Sometimes it ends with a "Happily ever after." All too often, however, it can end with an abrupt and out-of-the-blue "The end." Recently we asked members of Yahoo! Personals to share their own personal stories of how the fat lady sung. And, boy, did they have some whoppers to tell. OMG! What a Jerk! "An old boyfriend returned all of my stuff to me by putting it in a basket and then bringing it to me at my place of work. He entered singing and creating quite a stir, so that everyone would notice what was happening." "He wrote me an email saying, 'Goodbye my friend.' Are you kidding me?! GOODBYE MY FRIEND?!!!" "I noticed my boyfriend all of the sudden started telling me he loved me…constantly. Then a week later, he called me and was acting really strange. I kept asking him to come over and he wouldn't. Eventually he did, and told me he needed space. I thought I was in the Twilight Zone!!! He cried and told me it wasn't me...something to do with him having a child he didn't know about for two years. I was so hurt because I had never had anybody break up with me before. I guess there's a first for everything. He still calls sometimes and we have hooked up a few times. But I don't see him anymore. Sometimes I find that I still love him. What is this love thing all about?!" "He broke up with me by text message on a cell phone." "I had cancer of the esophagus and it required surgery. I was hospitalized for a month of recovery. They had to put a stomach tube in me just so I could be fed. When it was time for me to be released, my mom and dad came into my room. My mother was in tears. She told me she got a call from my wife and was asked not to bring me home because my wife said she couldn't deal with taking care of me. Because of that she was filing for a divorce." "He broke up with me on MySpace." My, What Bad Timing You Have "As I was preparing to go to my in-laws for Christmas, I told my ex-wife that I couldn't go and that I had met someone else." "I had a stroke in 2000. My wife came to see me in the hospital with her attorney and said that she was filing for divorce. It was Christmas Eve." "I was served with divorce papers on our wedding anniversary." "I broke up with my ex on his birthday. We had a major fight and I left him at the gas station. I had the keys to the house and he was five miles away from home." "It was our anniversary and I had just gotten off work and was ready to celebrate. When I came home she was sitting on the bed upset, so I asked what was wrong. She said that her ex-boyfriend had come home from Iraq and asked her to marry him and she said yes. Then I heard a horn out front and she left." The Disappearing Act "We were in a club and she was drinking hard core. She left me on the dance floor, climbed up on the bar top, and did a two-song strip dance for the room. When she had shown everything and only had her thong left on, she jumped on some guy and left forever!" "I was two months pregnant with our daughter when the guy I was living with for two years said he would be right back. I didn't see him again until our daughter was 12 years old." "He did not show up for our anniversary dinner. He just sent flowers with a goodbye note." "A week after meeting him he sent me an email saying that I was too clingy. The only thing I had done was to call his phone and leave a message to call me back. He never did, in fact." "My fiancée and I had an argument on a Thursday. Friday, she had an argument with her parents. Her parents called me and asked if I had seen her. Monday, I got a call from her parents telling me that she came home. They also said that she had gone to North Carolina and married a complete stranger." "I returned some library books and when I got back 15 minutes later she was gone. She had grabbed the baby, all the diapers, and a few clothes for the baby. She didn't even leave a note. Later on, she left a message saying she wanted to meet me and talk about things and gave me a place to meet her. She didn't show up. When I got home, she had cleared out all her clothes." Delegating the Deed "This guy I was dating for a couple of months asked his mom to do it for him. She told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. Plus that he was seeing his next-door neighbor. Then she gave me a hug on his behalf. And all this was in front of my coworkers. It was so humiliating." "At the time, an adult man, 31, who had been my boyfriend of seven years, having gone on an extended vacation, had his mother call me on the phone to let me know that he would be returning home with his new fiancé and the life that I had shared with him was over." Cheaters. Cheaters. "My ex-husband came home from Iraq and rather than hug me, he hugged a co-worker. It took two days to get him to tell me the truth that it was over. My favorite line of all was "I don't know who I am anymore and I need to go find myself." Being a true Army wife I picked up the pieces, moved my daughter and I back to the States, and started our lives over in Virginia. To be honest it was the best gift he could have given me because now my life is much simpler being a single mom." "After my ex sent me an email to break up with me, I received a text message from his new girlfriend stating I had only two weeks to find a new place to live, as she was moving in!" "I fooled around on the most beautiful woman in the world. She did everything for me and I decided the grass was greener on the other side and wandered over to it. I talked to this guy every day for four to seven hours a day. Why does a guy talk to a guy four to seven hours every single day? Was I in love with this guy? It ruined my relationship. I put more energy into this stupid kid than my own girls or my fiancé.or family...hmmm, sad thing is that I still talk to him every day." "A guy I was dating was at the movies making out with another girl. They were sitting right in front of me and my friends." "I found out the guy I was seeing was also seeing someone else. The only reason he'd come around was when she'd get mad at him and withhold sex. I confronted him with a phone call at his work. When he hung up on me I called her. With one phone call I took out both supply lines. You should have heard his pathetic call to me: "Why'd ya do it? Why'd you go and ruin what I had with her?" I found out later she took him back long enough to marry him and then divorce him for the alimony check. He was ex number five." "Well, we were supposed to go out one Friday. He called at 8 pm and told me he couldn't go because he fell down and hurt his back in the snow. My friend from work called me at 3 am that night and told me that she saw him with another woman dancing and kissing her on the neck. She took a picture of them with her phone. The next day he called me and said that he was in a lot of pain. I broke up with him and told him what I knew. Later that year he died of a heart attack. Before he died he wrote me an apology email. I forgave him at the cemetery." "I found my 6'6" boyfriend making dates with guys behind my back. To make matters worse, he wanted to dress up as a woman and be dominated by a guy/dom. At NO time did this Harley-riding guy tell me he was gay. But looking back, it explains why he never wanted sex, was too tired to have sex, or just plain accused me of being oversexed." "The 'romance' started in high school over 40 years ago. He was the 'bad boy' in the school. He claims that he was in love with me even back then, and I know I was crazy about him. We went on a total of one date during the high school years, which ended with a quick kiss. I moved to the 'big city,' he joined the army then returned to the farm. We both married others — two wives for him, two husbands for me. I returned home about 20 years after high school and we dated one more time. Then he dated another woman the very next night and went to bragging about it. I left shortly thereafter and went back to the city. Another 20 years passed and we got together again, and this time it lasted almost seven years, with him professing his undying love to me rather consistently. One day, with no prior warning whatsoever, he called and left a message on my answering machine stating, 'I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm not coming back. OK?' Three days later he showed up at my granddaughter's graduation exercises with his 'new woman.' Never did find out why. Never will." "Six months before my wedding, my fiancé calls me and tells me that he isn't sure what he wants. In the background I hear a woman's voice telling him that she loves him and then I hear him saying it back to her. Later, he sued me because I didn't give back the ring." "It was my first year at college and I met a really handsome musician. We dated for about a month. Then I found out that he cheated on me with my best friend at the time."