Angel of the Night's blog: "heartless?"

hmmm..tonight i was just reading to other people's blogs and how their life was going on..and i was thinking that i rarely do that..most of the time i'm hiding myself behind the funny stuff and have a wall arround my heart..not because i'm heartless but just cause i got so many feelings..so sensitive..i don't want to be in that way..but i can't change it anymore..too much stuff has happened in my life..to trust others with my heart..so many people who are playing..i'm no ball to play with although i'm a playfull person..so many sides..it's full of opposites..i guess some one has to find his way to get through to reach it at the end..

yesterday i went to see my boyfriend with who'm i have a relationship for 3 years now..to tell him that it is over between us..not knowing how..without blaming eachother what we did wrong..all the love we have put in eachother, in the relationship..it wasn't good enough..we have tried so hard to make it work..leaving ourselfes behind..not in a healthy way..so much did we care..but the distance between us was too far away..physically and mentally..it had to end and i feel that i have lost the best friend i ever had..hoping that he still can be in an other way..but afraid that i lost him forever..still loving him..and still sad about it..