Happily Ever After
We live in a weird world, there is no question about it. As I work on my latest song “Happily Ever After”, I am compelled to rethink the conflict I continuously endure about life and happiness. Most people just accept things as they are, but I unfortunately require to go deeper into the psychology of how humans think and behave as well as the why. In this case, the how happiness is attained (if at all) and why it is so hard (or possibly impossible).
“Happily Ever After” is a song of how come we grow up listening to tales of princes and princesses who endure one tiny problem and as this problem is solved, they can then be happy forever.
Snow White was so pretty, her step mother wanted her dead so that she could be the prettiest again. Snow White is then poisoned by the evil witch, her step mother. Not to worry! A handsome prince comes about and with a kiss returns her to life. ZAKABOOM! Happily Ever After.
Why can’t I just have a tiny problem like that and get it over with? Why can’t I then be happily ever after? Or is it that my “tiny” problem has not arrived yet? Gosh! I hope the standards of what tiny problem are have not changed that much since the 1800’s!!!
Cinderella was a tougher ordeal, though. Viciously enslaved by her step mother and step sisters, Cinderella does manage to get the prince, become the princess and then have revenge against their former evil family. Once again, Happily Ever After! Could it be that my story more like Cinderella and I just have to wait a little longer?
How about Sleeping Beauty? She gets to sleep for a hundred years and then ZAKABOOM! A prince’s kiss followed by Happily Ever After. Heck! If I could sleep for a hundred years, I would already be happy. Isn’t sleeping one of the three pleasures in life? I bet this chick could stay up all night having sex with her prince, after taking such a long nap. No wonder they lived happily ever after.
Unfortunately, in real life we are all screwed! The folks on these stories did not have to worry about paying the rent. Instead they had an awesome castle! These folks had glorious and pompous carriages. There was no need for them to worry about inspecting the vehicle, whether the gas price was going up or down and about nails on the street taking care of your tires (which are more expensive than gas).
Apparently they did not get sick either, so there was no need for a medical plan in which you work so that you can make your doctor rich. Their work was on the castle, which explains why their commute was so short. Not a chance to get on time wasting traffic jams, which are a daily thing here in Texas due to car crashes and all the retards who need to look at the all messed up cars.
The folks on these stories are all self employed as well. So they do not have to worry about the typical Monday to Friday week and 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM working time. These guys are their own bosses. Lucky bastards!
Just to make it easier, they have Fairy Godmothers. PHOCK! That’s not even fair! A few waves of their wands and ZAKABOOM! Tools to help them get through their tinsy winsy little problem. We have tons of problems to deal with on a daily basis and not even the glimpse of a Fairy God Mother spec of dust from her wand to aid on our quest for happiness.
But you know what? We deserve it! We are telling our kids these stories so they are growing up with the hope things will just work out. Yeah sure! They work out, but you are not Happily Ever After which is how each single lousy tale ends like, making us believe this part as well!
Here is how I would end some of the most popular tales to resemble our real life:
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:
Snow White married the Blue Prince. Then they got divorced a few years later because Snow White liked the seven Dwarves better. Had Snow White learned to love the fact that The Blue Prince liked to be with his buddies every now and then, she would have lived forever with him. Not happily, but forever.
Cinderella:
Cinderella managed to get her Step Mom and Step Sisters to work on the castle. But one day the resourceful Step Mom managed to convince the other peasants to revolt against the current government. The little uprising caused the Blue Prince to die in battle and Cinderella was forced into the woods were she lived until she died. Some people say she was happy, but it is unknown and highly unlikely since her husband had been killed in battle. Plus the lack of sex most likely transformed her into the most annoying whining bitch on the entire fantasy land.
Sleeping Beauty
As she married the Blue Prince, everything was grand for a few weeks of hot and steamy sex. Unfortunately, she was having problems sleeping due to the long nap she had taken. Eventually she left the castle as she could not take the Blue Prince’s snoring anymore. They have filled for divorce, but the courts are taking too long as it makes them sleepy to read the documents.
Red Riding Hood
Red Riding Hood learned the lesson. Now she chats with strangers and then she meets with them on the woods were apparently she is managing to get some form of Happily Ever After. Or is it Herpes Ever After?
Pinnochio:
Pinnochio was transformed into a child, but never stopped lying. The Fairy God Mother punished him by poisoning his nose again with the “grow per lie” spell. Pinnochio then went and met Merlin who changed the spell quite a bit. Pinnochio will never need Viagra, so there is a good chance he truly will be Happily Ever After.
The Three Little Pigs:
The Three little pigs managed to escape the wolf by building a brick house. So the wolf got a demolition ball and entered through the Master Room. As the pigs managed to escape, they started negotiations with black market representatives from North Korea. As soon as Kim Jon-Il makes a successful test, the wolf’s ass is toast.
