damn you...you know wat you said, you know you were right. you know that your insults still circulate in my head and cut new wounds where the old ones healed. it's been two or three days, hasnt it? you dont realize the affect you have on me...i cant let you know. why...why did this have to end - our friendship - why did it have to end wit you insulting me and me wishin you the best anyway?
you called me a slut, easy, a whore...you brought up my past, something i wish i could bury no matter how hard i try, i have to tell everyone anyway. yes, there was a time when i was easy, yes there was a time when i did a guy off the street, yes i have had a few pregnancy scares, and yes, the chance i have an STD is high.
you told me no one would care for me (why should they?), and that i should just kill myself. you were right on that too...no one does care for me, no matter how much they tell me they do. i have no respect for myself, i have no confidence in my life and what i do...why should i keep trying to succeed? why keep trying when everything falls to hell? you told me you didnt care anymore...that you'd dance when i died...that you'd be happy when i'm not here anymore...thank you for helping me prove that no one does care, that no one will remember me cuz i'll just be another easy lay.
you said i have too much drama. you said you were tired of it, of all of it, you didnt want to hear it anymore. no more guy problems, in real life or online...they bugged you too much...i had wanted to make you jealous, and then it just became conversation...my life is drama.
i keep trying to tell myself you're wrong but more things point to you being right. we yelled and finally i gave in to wat you were saying...i let it find it's home among the insecurities i've built for myself and i let it do it's damage. you said you were happy to gt rid of me...that you never wanted to speak to me again...i responded telling you that i couldnt believe i had ever had feelings for you...that i'm glad we never became anything...even tho we never had a chance because we became like brother and sister. i had the rug yanked out from underneath me and now i'm on the floor with blood from my head making a pool behind me...you hurt me deep.
you're right about everything...i'm everything you said i was...i'm sorry i am what i am...i'm sorry i lost a good friend to me being me...godammit justin...
*curls up in a corner and cries*
