I sit here and I wondered how long it would be before the depression would truley hit. It's my first birthday to not either one of my parents. Daddy died last year on March 6th. I had to borrow 17 bucks today from a friend and 10 of that went to getting a RX for imflammation in my joints. I have 7 dollars to try and celebrate my stupid ass birthday. I am going to try and do something with hannah because this is the first year she is old enough to care. She is all I have. I am so alone in the world. My sister is so busy. Even my dear friend from work forgot it was my birthday until i told her today. It's been over a week since I've had my mood stabilizer I just couldn't afford to buy it. I've never had a birthday that I didnt' set aside money to do something with. My stupid fucking myspace friends forgot it was my birthday. I have no boyfriend. I have nothing but hannah. I wanted to take her to chuck e cheese and do fun stuff with her and buy a cake but I can't. I don't even have fucking icing to make her a cake. My little girl deserves more in life. I was so spoiled as a child...I was a good kid but i had everything I needed and most of what I wanted. She doesn't even have a dad that cares about her. Stupid fucking ass jerk signed his rights away then turned around got his nasty ass ho of a girl friend pregnant. God how am I going to stay calm. I hit my 30 day sobriety date this week, and whoopideedoo I don't even care anymore. Its going to take alot not to be destructive in the next day. and One of my myspace friends i was so close to who i even called on the phone deleted me for some stupid ass reason. What did i do to her.
