I had my surgery on 8/4/04, at my pre-op physical which was 2 weeks prior to surgery; I was at my highest weight ever, 455 lbs. At that appointment I was diagnosed with High blood pressure and Post partum depression. Even though it was almost a year after my daughter Lindsey was born. My lowest weight was in November of 2006, when I got down to 234 lbs, but then the holiday's kicked my butt!!! I gained back up to 245 lbs by the day after Christmas… so with my new year's resolution to give me strength, I got busy, and by February, I was back down to 235. But then I unexpectedly became pregnant.
Anyone who thinks that gastric bypass is the easy way out, is completely insane!!!! Not only is it a complete life altering experience, but you go through an entire paradigm shift. First, you change the way you view food, then you see others through a different filter, if you will, then you change the way you see yourself, that is the change that takes the longest. Don't get me wrong, I still have self esteem issues, but I have grown so much, I know now, I'm worthy. Before I didn't even feel worthy to take breath, now, I know I have tremendous value as a person, I always did, and I just didn't know it.
This probably will sound strange, but the most amazing thing has happened, I found my ego (it is a fragile ego, and easily bruised) …Don't get me wrong, I'm not conceited, but I didn't even know I had an ego, till recently! And one of the hardest things I've had to learn, is how to graciously accept a compliment. I have always put myself down, so much, before if someone gave me a complement I always tempered it with a comment to put myself down, I couldn't take complements very easily, so now, I get them almost daily, and I have had to learn to take them, and accept them, and let them make me feel good, instead of letting my mind twist it into a putdown. Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on an emotional tangent…
