Cat's blog: "Funny"

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she Wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ?? Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass !! The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

This one I love. LOL, ok, so maybe I like them all. AND... here's a cartoon for THE MAN. hehehehehe

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now adays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... 1. Men are like ….Laxatives.... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like ….Bananas.... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like ....Weather…. Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like ....Blenders.... You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars.... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like ....Commercials.... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like ....Department Stores.... Their clothes are always 1/2 off 8. Men are like ....Government Bonds.... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like ....Mascara…. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like ....Popcorn.... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like ....Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like ....Lava Lamps.... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like ....Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Want to be forever eliminated from the guest list? Just take this to your next "pot luck" dinner!!! Kitty Litter Cake" * ~ This is *no joke* READ THE INGREDIENTS AND STUFF FIRST AND THEN LOOK AT THE PHOTO... TRUST ME... DON'T LOOK AT THE PHOTO FIRST, BUT LAST... This is for all you cooks out there looking for something a little different......... WANT TO HAVE FUN AT A PARTY? PREPARE THIS RECIPE! COMPLETELY EDIBLE, BUT YOUR FRIENDS MAY NOT THINK SO! CAKE INGREDIENTS: 1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix 1 box of white cake mix 1 package white sandwich cookies 1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix A few drops green food coloring 12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS" 1 NEW cat-litter box 1 NEW cat-litter box liner 1 NEW pooper scooper 1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside. 2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture. 3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top. 4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!

The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well : Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop! HOWEVER, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting. So, WATER = POOP WINE = HEALTH Free yourself of Poop, drink WINE!!! It is better to drink wine and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing it as a public service. Have a nice day...

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.