bright069's blog: "funny"

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, 'What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?' He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: 'Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.' To emphasize his point he said to another guest; 'You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?' Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, 'You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...) 'Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental. "You want to know what I make." (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.) ''I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write... Keyboarding isn't everything. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. They use their God-given brain, not the man-made calculator. I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity. I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.. I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America . I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.' (Bonnie paused one last time, then continued.) 'Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant... You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?' His jaw dropped, he went silent.

What is God? A nine-year-old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female." This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well," she says, "God is both black and white." This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and straight." At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks -- "Is Michael Jackson God?"

> > > > > > There is a new study just released by the > American > > PsychiatricAssociation about women and how they feel > about their > > Asses. Theresults are pretty shocking: > > > > > > > > > 1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is > too big. > > > > > > > > > 2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too > small. > > > > > > > > > 3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; > they love him; he's > > agood man and they would have married him anyway. > > >

> > > It was about 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon, and Lauren was > > driving to visit a friend. An UNMARKED police car pulled up > > behind her and put his lights on. Lauren's parents have > > always told her never to pull over for an unmarked car on > > the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to > > a gas station, etc. > > > > Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and > > promptly called *77 on her cell phone to tell the police > > dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She > > proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked > > police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind > > her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars > > where she was and there weren't, and he told her to keep > > driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the > > way. > > > > Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the > > unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and > > the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy > > from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a > > convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes. > > > > I never knew about the *77 Cell Phone Feature, but > > especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull > > over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect > > your right to keep going to a safe place. > > > > Speaking to a service representative at ** Bell ** Mobility > > confirmed that *77 was a direct link to State trooper info. > > So, now it's your turn to let your friends know about > > *77. > > > > Send this to every woman (and person) you know; it may > > save a life . This applies to ALL 50 states. > >

Single vs. Engaged vs. MARRIED!! Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!" The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!" The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts....