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The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the
first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind
this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old
time's sake?'
'Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to
himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex
against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he
follows them.
The elderly couple walk s haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves
in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has
ever seen.
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises
and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life
and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've
had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago>
that wasn't an electric fence.'
Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texan - are all working together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each one of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians, can come in our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Texan says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, 'Fill it with water.'
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love
to a very attractive young woman.
"You disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful
wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!"
And Paddy (for it was he) replied "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I
can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed , "but they'll be the last words you'll say to
me!"
And Paddy began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this
young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and
defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that
she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she
hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and
warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't
eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up I
suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were
dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had
for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also
gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't
use because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use
just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has the same pair."
Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my
understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with
tears in her eyes and said,
"Please ... do yo u have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
My flight was being served by an obviously
gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone
In a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came
swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain
Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing
the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could
just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed
this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking
woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps
you didn't hear me over those big brute engines
but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the
main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my
country, I am called a Princess and I take orders
from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without
missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called
a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
> >>> Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son
> to the doctor.
> >>> With some hesitation, they explained that
> although their little
> >>> angel appeared to be in good health, they
> were concerned about
> >>> his rather small penis.
> >>> After examining the child, the doctor
> confidently declared, 'Just
> >>> feed him pancakes. That should solve the
> problem.'
> >>> The next morning when the boy arrived at
> breakfast, there was a
> >>> large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of
> the table.
> >>> 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For
> me?'
> >>> 'Just take two,' Brenda replied.
> 'The rest are for your father.'
> >>> The mother of a 17-year-old girl was
> concerned that her daughter was
> >>> having sex.
> >>> Worried the girl might become pregnant and
> adversely impact the
> >>> family's status, she consulted the family
> doctor.
> >>> The doctor told her that teenagers today were
> very willful and any
> >>> attempt to stop the girl would
> probably result in rebellion. He then
> >>> told her to arrange for her daughter to be put
> on birth control and
> >>> until then, talk to her and give her a box of
> condoms.
> >>> Later that evening, as her daughter was
> preparing for a date, the
> >>> woman told her about the situation and
> handed her a box
> >>> of condoms.
> >>> The girl burst out laughing and reached over
> to hug her mother
> >>> saying:
> >>> 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry
> about that! I'm dating Susan!'
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by
almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that
moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what
it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a
wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls
opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed
and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped
out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
