InkdPixie's blog: "Funny Shit"

This is the coolest thing I've read in ages! My uber gorgeous, way fucking cool, sleaze-boy friend, Jaculyn Fucking Jayne, from MySpace wrote this and it was too good not to share it. No matter how you feel about the bands involved, you have to admit, it oozes of his literary genius. A killer journalist you will be, my dear! Check out Jaculyn Fucking Jayne's MySpace page here. ENJOY! ~TP **************************************************** You know, I joke around a lot and don't take many things seriously, but this is something that I hold close to my heart. This is an issue that everyone should be worried about and take action again. I'm not talking about something made up like big foot and gay marriage, I'm talking about an issue much more important than anything like that. According to the Chicago Sun, since this cyclone of mind numbing agony has been in existence, at least 170 million unsuspecting victims have been taken in his wrath. Yes, this is the worst plague to have hit humanity since Biblical days. I am, of course, talking about U2. Please go kill music elsewhere Since 1976, U2 has been directly linked to the death of at least 40 million people's souls. Lead singer Bono (pictured below), when asked about this in the New York Times, said, quote, "I am the destroyer of planets. Taker of souls. Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door! Enter and I will eat you." Bono forcing a slave to push him on a cart It has been proven that every year since U2 has formed, the ozone layer has been shrinking. Scientists predict that by the time U2 will release their fifth greatest hits compilation, the Earth will have no ozone layer. If current trends persist, this could be March. In 2000, guitarist the Edge skinned and ate several Japanese children at a show in Tokyo. The event was used as justification for Japan's 2001 Invasion of Ireland. Exactly five seconds before jumping into the crowd and raping a baby The other members of the band, that one guy and the other dude, have never been seen off stage. One theory persists that they are merely robots created by the evil space lord Bono and his hetero life mate the Edge. Another is that they are illegal immigrants who were put through extensive make up and taught the songs before every show. In 2006, U2 claimed an estimated 10 million by releasing a charity single with murderous thieves Green Day. The tragedy is what is now known as "Hurricane Katrina." Green Day; second worst tragedy to have happened to Humanity (right after U2) So I'm asking you a favor, for the sake of the Human race, please donate all the money you can to this important cause. All money raised will be used to build a giant lazer cannon that will hopefully be powerful enough to destroy this disgusting leech. Remember, only you can stop U2 from getting another number one album.

Why it's important to understand English. I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one lady in front of me. . . an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . . She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists at a meeting on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper. "My fellow scientists", he began. Before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "Fuck you!". Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..." Again the clone sprang to his feet. He yelled, "This dumb asshole couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent dickhead." Incensed, the scientist grabbed him, and threw him out the window. The crowd gasped. A short while later New York's finest arrived and what had transpired was explained to them. The policeman said, "We are going to have to arrest you." "For what? You can't arrest me for killing my own clone!" "We are charging you with, making an obscene clone fall."

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating! And since he lost his job seven years ago, he hasn't bothered to look for a new one. All he does is smoke cigars and cruise around with his buddies shooting the bull while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went off to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and he hints to his friends that I may be a lesbian. What can I do? Signed, Clueless Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him! Good Grief, woman, you don't need him any more. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one!