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> > I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for
> > the following reasons:
> >
> > 1-------- I do physical labor.
> > 2.------- I work at great depths.
> > 3.------- I plunge head first into everything I do.
> > 4.------- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
> > 5.--------I work in a damp environment.
> > 6. -------I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
> > 7.------- I work in high temperatures.
> > 8. -------My work exposes me to diseases.
> >
> >
> > Reply: Dear Penis,
> >
> > After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have >raised,
> > the management denies your request for the following reasons:
> >
> > 1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
> > 2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH
> > brief work period
> > 3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
> > 4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen >visiting
> > other locations.
> > 5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and >stimulated in
> > order to start working.
> > 6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
> > 7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as >wearing
> > the correct protective clothing.
> > 8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
> > 9. You are unable to work double shifts.
> > 10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have >completed
> > the assigned task.
> > 11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been se en entering >and
> > exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious
> > look ing bags.
> >
> > Sincerely, The Management
> >
> > Five reasons not to be a penis
> >
> > 1. You're bald your whole life.
> > 2. You have a hole in your head.
> > 3. Your neighbors are nuts.
> > 4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and...
> > 5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.
| Women's Dictionary DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS 40-ish - 49 Adventurous - Slept with everyone Athletic - No tits Average looking - Ugly Beautiful - Pathological liar Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure - On medication Feminist - Fat Free spirit - Junkie Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person Fun - Annoying New Age - Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded - Desperate Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing Passionate - Sloppy drunk Professional - Bitch Voluptuous - Very Fat Large frame - Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate - Stalker WOMEN'S ENGLISH 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = you're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = you better not 8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about? MEN'S ENGLISH 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = nice cleavage! 5. I love you = let's have sex now 6. I am bored = do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you 11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside. NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH AN EXCELLENT SENSE OF HUMOR WHO NEEDS A REALLY GOOD LAUGH MORE!!! |
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