WOLVES3229's blog: "FUNNY canadians"

Signs You May Be A Canadian

• 1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movies, not lines.
• 2. You pronounce the red sauce as ketchup, not 'cat sup'.
• 3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette,
  I just spilled my poutine."
• 4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
• 5. You drink pop, not soda.
• 6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
• 7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!"
• 8. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
• 9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
• 10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap
  place to travel to and has good cigars.
• 11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix
  it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
• 12. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has ever had sex and don't
  want to know if he has!
• 13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
• 14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
• 15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
• 16.You sit on a couch not a chesterfield.
• 17.You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
• 18.You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
• 19. You know that Thrills are something to chew and taste like soap.
• 20. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
• 21. You dismiss all beers under 6% as for "children and the elderly".
• 22. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
• 23. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
• 24. You participated in "Participaction".
• 25. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale "What's good
  enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
• 26. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
• 27. Unlike any international assasin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess
  a Canadian passport.
• 28. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing
  u's from labor, honor and color.
• 29. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added",
  thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
• 30. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
• 31. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
• 32. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's
  "Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo " opus.
• 33. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
• 34. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
• 35. You know what a toque is.
• 36. You have some momento of Doug and Bob.
• 37. You admit Rich Little is a Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
• 38. You know Toronto is not a province.
• 39. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
• 40. Backbacon and Kraft Dinner are two of the food groups.
• 41. Snow is not "evil".
• 42. People around the world think you're American, then love you when
  they find out you're not!.
• 43.You know that a "fanny pak" is a pouch you wear around your waist.
• 44. Any day above 10 degrees C is shorts weather.

This is the big one.

Outside of hockey, and possibly beer, the main way to determine a person's "Canadianess" is their usage of the word "eh." And it's not even really a word, is it? It's only two letters in length and it's really more of a sound than a word.

But, despite this, it is central to the Canadian identity.

But what does it even mean?

In general, "eh" usually means "do you agree?" For example, a Canadian would say "It's pretty nice today, eh?" But, like all iconic slang, the Canadian "eh" has many meanings.

For example, a Canadian might say "That's really far, eh?" In that case the Canadian isn't asking if a person agrees, they are using the word to emphasize what they just said. The common Canadian response to "That's really far, eh?" is usually "I know, eh?" Again, it's used more for emphasis in this case.

Confused? Well, hold on, because it gets even more complex.

Canadians have managed to include the word "eh" into pretty much every sentence. It's quite common for a converstation like the one above to degenerate into a series of "ehs" that become increasingly meaningless but still important.

"That's really far, eh?"
"I know, eh?"
"You should leave now, eh?"
"I guess I should, eh?"
"I've been there before, eh?"
"Eh?"
"Yeah. It's really nice there, eh?"
"Maybe I should take a camera, eh?"
"You should, eh."
"It's a nice day, eh?"
"We've had a nice week, eh?"
"Eh?"
"I said 'we've had a nice week, eh?'"
"Oh yeah."
"Eh?"
"Eh?"
"Eh."
"Beers?"
"EH!"

A non-Canadian looking at the exchange above would consider the usage of "eh" ridiculous and unnecessary. A Canadian would wonder why there weren't a couple more "ehs" in there.

Now, this is important. As prevalent as the word "eh" is, it cannot be used in every sentence. It does have a correct and an incorrect usage.

Non-Canadians don't understand this. They don't get where "eh" is appropriate. In an attempt to fool the Canadian spotters they will throw in too many "ehs" into awkward points of the conversation. A faux-nuck would say something like "I gotta go out there, eh? It's really cold, eh? And I need to eh outside eh Thursday, eh?" That person is clearly not Canadian. No Canadian EVER needs to "eh outside eh Thursday." True Canadians ALWAYS eh outside eh Monday. It's a known fact amongst Canadians.

So, if you're trying to spot a Canadian you'll need to be careful. You will need to learn correct "eh" placement and hope that you have learned it better than your subject. Of course, since "eh" isn't really a word, it's difficult to learn about its usage. One will typically need to immerse his or herself into Canadian society for several years in order to learn proper "eh" usage. Only through putting in a great deal of time and effort will a non-Canadian learn the correct "eh" usage that all true Canadians have known since birth.

Fact: 98% of Canadians admit that "eh" was their first word. The other 2% state that "eh" was their second word, after "Mama."

"Mama, eh?" is a popular sentence among Canadian babies.

Rick Mercer apologizes to America:

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this.

We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.