Miss Understanding's blog: "Funnies"

Eve's Side of the Story... After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God. "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sun rises and Sunsets are breathtaking; the smells, the sights -- everything is wonderful." "But I have just this one problem. It is these three breasts that you have given me." "The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve. Eve went on to tell God that many other parts of her body (such as her limbs, eyes, and ears) came in pairs, and she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced", as she put it. "That is a fair point, "replied God, "but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away." God reached down, removed the middle breast, and tossed it into the bushes. Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in the garden. "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation now?" "Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one oversight on your part. You see all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone." God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you....Now let's see...Where did I put that useless boob?" Now, doesn't THAT make more sense than the business about a rib?

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home,maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!") The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? ) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) Humans and dolphin s are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...In other words, send it to everyone!