Toxicwaste's blog: "fuck it"

sometimes i feel i just want to be wanted like i thirst for the attention but i don't even know why then other times i don't want to be bothered it's not that i'm depressive i think i'm a lot of fun i just have changes of mood lately things aren't satisfying food is good, but there's nothing i crave sex is decent, but it's only with myself i'm not unhappy, but i don't feel joyous either and i sit and think about what really makes me smile usually the insignificant things a surprise phone call a piece of candy someone gives me a good story told by a total stranger and what do these things reveal i like to be thought of i want to be wanted

the days are long but the weeks fly by the clock ticks the second hand waves goodbye the days are hot but at night i sleep peacefully because i know someday soon you will be with me

something about you makes me remember all of the time we have shared together i never knew the truth of perfection yet still i don't but you're a connection your flaws are perfect to my eyes a veil ignorance your only disguise this whole reality seems so incessant and all this perfection just makes me hesitant just so perfect how can it be someone like you found someone like me

you don't even know the pain i feel when i start to question what is real i know you're the cause my lust for you gnaws its way, through my brain and i'm here, alone standing by myself, with tears of understanding rolling down my cheeks now i know my bended heart won't be mended by your love.... no longer will i cry or ask for help from up above i don't blame thee i blame myself for my insecurities this time i'm really confused about what i should do i have this fear of never being satisfied i can't find stable happiness, i've tried and tried this isn't easy, i'm the butt of my own joke i want some affection, this is all i hope now i know my bended heart won't be mended by your love.... no longer will i cry or ask for help from up above and i'll live my life until i die wondering if i'll ever be satisfied it's not easy being the butt of your own joke i want some affection, this is all i hope

Everything is what you think of while you sit alone How everything is How you wanted it to be Starting to cry you wanted something more Everything you found you knew you could never have You think your life to end would be better Be better for you Be better for everyone Only four questions are on your mind Would they care would they cry Would it change them those who say they care But most of all the one question you think Dear God will I be missed Oh well you say Just hurry up it won't hurt much One cut then another Write a note saying why would they read it say yeah right Tell yourself one more cut got to go Feel the blood around you you write only one word Good-bye.

i just want to die i dont know what is up and what is down i dont know some one please shoot me