laydeekilluhh's blog: "FUCK IT!"

so my thoughts on a few different aspects of peoples opinions... how come its alright for a guy to sleep around with as many girls as he wants too and he doesnt get called a whore. but a woman sleeps with 2 or more people and she's automatically a skank and a whore and a slut and everything like that.. i think thats a sexist excuse to get out of trying to bring a males ego down from a womans perspective...no offense to anyone this is just my opinion. i think if the whore card is going to be thrown out there, it should be able to go both ways... manwhore is the term they use but the use its meaning as a joke amongst themselves... but when you call a woman a whore or a slut they take it the wrong way and get all emotional and freakout sometimes. Now me, if you were to call me a whore i'd probably use some smart ass comeback like i do... im not a whore im a dick Connoisseur theres a difference!!!! or im not a whore im too dumb to charge and i make their insult into a joke and make them look bad lol!

A thousand times I've seen you standing Gravity like lunar landing You make me want to run till' I find you I shut the world away from here I drift to you, you're all I hear As everything we know fades to black Half the time the world is ending Truth is I am done pretending I never thought that I Had anymore to give You're pushing me so far Here I am without you Drink to all that we have lost Mistakes we have made Everything will change But love remains the same I find a place where we escape Take you with me for the space The city buzz sounds just like a fridge I walk the streets through seven bars I have to find just where you are The faces seem to blur They're all the same Half the time the world is ending Truth is I am done pretending I never thought that I Had anymore to give You're pushing me so far Here I am without you Drink to all that we have lost Mistakes we have made Everything will change But love remains the same So much more to say So much to be done Don't you trick me out We shall overcome It's all left still to play We should've had the sun Could have been inside Instead we're over here Half the time the world is ending Truth is I am done pretending Too much time too long defending You and I are done pretending I never thought that I Had anymore to give You're pushing me so far Here I am without you Drink to all that we have lost Mistakes we have made Everything will change Everything will change I, oh I, I wish this could last forever I, oh I, As if we could last forever Love remains the same Love remains the same ************** sometimes they say music heals your soul or that behind every song is a hidden message, you just have to look passed the pretty music and read through the lyrics...well thats what I have done with this song for the last 3 hours. I have read and read and read and read and read this over and over again and I got my own message out of it from my own life experiences. Seriously this song goes out to someone with initials of TWJ. I never thought that I had anymore to give since I lost the love of my life and I just lost the other one. Seriously we all makes mistakes and everything happens for a reason. do you really wanna live in that life where you have done nothing exciting in your life and you just sit back when your 40 and say i wish i would have done this or i wish i would have done that, NO! you want to sit there and be like wow, remember when I did this or remember when I did that!! Sorry I am rambling because I am frustrated right now!!! I never thought that I would have so much love for someone since the man I loved with every inch of my soul died last year ya know!!! Its hard to move on and fall in love and man when I did i fell hard and fast and got my heartbroken in the end. I miss him so much but seriously in the end, god has a plan for everyone and I guess he ended up pullin Chase's card!!! I miss you buddy!!!

some questions are better left without reason... i would rather reveal my self than my situation.. now and then i consider my hesitation the more the light shines through me i pretend to close my eyes the more the dark consumes me i pretend im burning bright... i wonder if the things i did were just to be different to spare myself all the constant shame of my existance.. i would surely redeem myself and my desperation here and now ill express my situation... the more the light shines through me i pretend to close my eyes the more the dark consumes me i pretend im burning bright the more the light shines through me i pretend to close my eyes the more the dark consumes me i pretend im burning....

so my monday is like pretty much over and I am READY to go home. Im ready to go smoke a cigarette, have a coors light, and call it a day. Im thinking bubble bath with some candles and music. wow...sounds amazing.... i can almost picture the bath now... bubbles... bubbles... haha sorry I am really hyper and tired at the same time. I wanna dance and take all my clothes off....woot woot. hahaha

monday morning....i can already tell its going to be a fucked up day. work schedule 6am-3pm...got to work at 630 am. so yah i was a little pissed about being late.. then i got in trouble for having my phone out and I was FUCKING furious. well then I spent most of my fucking lunch break on hold with my gay ass insurance company. Trying to figure out when my bill was due. Then, I had a message on myspace from my lame ass exboyfriend Nick, who fucked me over hardcore..I'm not TALKING to you douche bag!!! grrrr then to top it ALL off...im sick... GOD DAMN!!!!!!! grrrrrr.....i need a cigarette and my stupid break is not until 12:30. Im fucking pissed off today... I wanna get fucked up and pass out... thats what I wanna do tonight..