that ive been in a shitty mood and crying- and justin has cheered me up
^_^
amazing how friends you just met are there for you.
today was a pretty rotten day, this whole weekend was actually fun but with an underlying theme of suck-ness.... i just noticed this weekend that i've grown up and all my friends havent. I wish i could still enjoy sitting around getting shitfaced, pigging out on junkfood and gossiping- but theres just something about it now that is a total turn off. I tried so hard to have fun and i just couldn't do it. i mean i loved bullshitting with aly all weekend about stuff and catching up with MSP on all his life and him hearing about my whole chris-saga (since he seems to be the last person on earth to ever know anything about anyone, lol) but i didnt feel a need at melanies to get totally bombed and unable to stand, they took out digicams and started screaming BIFFLES and i realized right there that we werent in highschool anymore, that this isnt what i was interested in. I mean i will glady come out and party and chill but it is definately not the same. while we were on our way to the hookah bar last night i passed all these bistro outdoursy type places and wanted to just sit and drink a glass of wine and bullshit with my friends and just kick back. it was such a weird 'temptation'.. thats not the right word, but im not a thesaurus- too exhausted right now. I really just wanted to do that, but i dont have friends that are interested in those kinds of things.... i guess sometimes im too 'grown up' for my own good?.. god idk whats wrong with me honestly, theres so much going through my mind right now. Up until about an hour ago when justin came and got me i had been feeling stupid all day- for some reason i half expected that chris and i would be back togeather by now, like some magic something would happen and hed be over courney realize he missed me and wed be back togeather again... but instead hes over courtney and with a girl who he likes back on the island- i guess its convenient for him, and least he can see her every day.... i'm sure its no fun to have a girl you can only see on weekends. I cried but only for afew minutes because i just wasnt expecting him to be over me so soon, but i guess thats just because i get attached to people and let my heart get involved too easily- and i forget that thats not the way boys work. Mel made me go out and get some food after this whole thing because she was starving and we ended up going and getting food and like 10 bags of applecrisp apples, because they are amazing, and peopel watching since coby is NOTHING like FIT, and the people are so much different here i thought shed get a kick out of it- and she did. and then eventually i had to put her on the train and i went back to my room and sat down and moped... because all my friends were back at college and i wouldnt see any of them again till thanksgiving, and i wouldnt be seeing akilah again till christmas. and i know friday is goingto suck even though its my 18th birthday because they'll be no one around, i'm not getting my tongue pierced now because chris seems kinda sketchy on still taking me (which makes sense now since im sure his girlfriend wouldnt want him spending the day with me getting pierced, even though we are supposed to still be friends) and i know my parents wont take me. I had so much stuff planned for the next few weeks and most of them were with him, so i'm gradually trying to like re-schedule everything up till the second week of november since we had plans for like, my birthday, a halloween party, photo expo and his birthday, basically he shottied me for thos weekends since, and now i just kinda have empty spaces where i didnt make plans that i thought i already had filled.. my photoexpo location however has been filled since Stuff A Bus is that day- and i was going to go see chris as well for his birthday and see if he wanted to grab pizza or some panera but im sure that wont be happening now, so stuff a bus it is, or i might just stay home that weekend and see if caitie or the boys are going to photo and if theyd mind me tagging along... who knows? and of course, i can hang out with justin among 1000 other thigns i have to do for the next 3 weeks... i have a leadership conference NEXT weekend which hopefully is FUN, even though ill be missing a class for it and i hope he doesnt get mad about that. And thursday is MoMA which i think i will enjoy- even tho joe is being lame and NOT going because hell be in like san diego or osmething like that...
honestly theres just so much drama going on around school and in my life right now and i just want to curl up into a ball on my bed, turn off all the lights and sleep.... i didnt want to do anything today, theres just too much on my mind....
but i am glad justin dragged me out because i wouldnt have accomplished much sitting around wondering when i got so lame and why i suck so much- so i guess its a good thing.
