RickawayJE's blog: "From me."

What is “real”. What makes a person “real”?

Is it money? If he/she has a lot of money does that make them “real”?

Is it their street smarts that makes them “real”?

Is it their swagger?

What is it REALLY that makes someone “real”?

Every day, on here especially, people are looking for someone “real” but really, do you even have a definition for what is “real”? It is ridiculous to me, that those same folk who are looking for someone “real” continuously surrounds themselves with the type of people that they would define as “fake” or whatever the choice word is.

If you make a decision to find someone “real”, then why not make the decision to change up your whole entourage? Start from the ground up. Because if you do not change what’s around you… then what good is saying you’ve changed what’s in you?

People don’t know what “real” really is. They just think they do(in my opinion).

A “Real” person, to me, is the following.

Someone who will be there for you, no matter what.  Who will drop whatever it is they are doing if you truly need them for any circumstance. Someone who does for you, without expectation out of anything in return. Someone honest. Someone Loyal. Someone upfront.

This is just basics on human decency that the majority of people Do not seem to have these days. Some of their mothers need to, or should have, spanked them when they were growing up instead of running around like the world owes them for their just being alive. No. It doesn’t, won’t and shouldn’t work like that.

Get Real.

Here’s my question before the new year. 
Why are Self-degrading terms being used as a way to describe yourself in a good way? 
Terms like “bitch” “slut” “nigger”(or Nigga/h as it may be used) “ho” and various other terms such as these that I cannot remember right now. 
How is it supposed to be a GOOD thing to refer to yourself with these? 
Bitch = (vulgar, derogatory) Term of contempt applied to a woman, conveying a judgement that she or her behavior are despicable, disagreeable, etc. [from the 15th c] 
Slut = (countable, derogatory) a sexually promiscuous woman. 
(countable) a prostitute. 
(countable, derogatory) a slovenly, untidy person, usually a woman. 

Nigger(and variations thereof) = 
(slang, often considered offensive) A person of Negro descent who acts in an unapproved manner 
"Nigger" has taken on pejorative qualities, as it implies not only darkness of skin, but a general lack of intelligence and sophistication. At the time of the word's origin, various English-speaking North American settlers who set cultural standards considered black people fundamentally inferior and less civilized than white people. The term is generally considered offensive to black people, not only because it singles them out on the basis of their skin colour, but also because, due to its origin, it carries connotations of slavery, inferiority and oppression. 
I personally do not understand why folk use these words, and others like them, to reference themselves in a seemingly positive manner. Conversely to you using these words to describe yourself in a “Good” way… you get angry when someone else calls you them? How is that supposed to work?

I get asked this question a lot so I figure ill answer it for everyone now. And this is nonsexual. 

Turn ons: 
I'm not a hard man to please at all but here are some things I do appreciate. 

*kindness 
*confidence - confidence is key to anything. 
*good hygiene 
*brush your teeth 
*neat appearance(I know we all have sloppy days but know how to take care of yourself.) 
*have respect 
*have at least a lil bit of a bad/naughty/freaky side (I'm not a fan of prudes or people that find every little thing offensive) 
*honest 
*loyal 
*know when to be mature(age really is just a number, maturity really is what counts) 

Turn offs: 
This one will ruffle some feathers and ill probably get accused of insensitivity or racism but I don't care, this is MY list not yours. 

*bad hygiene - if you smell like a fish market, I don't wanna be around you, shower douche whatever you gotta do. Don't care if you're Beyonce' if you smell bad then nogo. 
*teeth - if your teeth are nasty, instant nogo. Buy a toothbrush and some minty crest or colgate and scrub those suckers. 
*names - I am not a "nigger, nigga, nicca, G, thug gangster, gangsta, vato, etc". I don't claim to be any of these things and I find them offensive and disrespectful. Also if you're always talkin about how you wanto find a "real" nigga/nicca/nigger/vato/gangsta/thug/etc then don't come to me. Reason you're probably having sucky relationships is cause you go after guys who identify themselves that way. Have some respect for your future.(I'm very opinionated on that if u can tell from my other blogs). Also ladies... Stop referring to yourselves as "bitches" since when is that a good thing? I won't ever call you a bitch and why downgrade yourselves that way? I wanna girl girl who knows how to treat someone right, most of all herself, not a girl who acts like she's trash and a queen at the same time, it don't work like that. You're one, or the other. Pick one. 
*drug use - if drugs to you are an "I need" instead of "I want" then don't come around. I'm not a one man mayo clinic/rehab.
Tattoos/piercings - all in all not a big fan. My biggest issues are that people get them just because they "look cool" at the time. If they actually mean something, fine that's a completely different story, if not then its stupid in my opinion. Especially on women. If you're beautiful naturally, why mess it up with holes and pointless ink? Should accentuate your beauty, not take away from it. 

That's my list if you disagree, go ahead, noones making you like it or me. Thankyou.

Nothing bothers me more, 
Than seeing these "wannabe"s these "real'G'"s, 
Wishing they could be like me and mine, 
A selfstyled soldier is all they can claim to be. 

Telling me they are at "war" and must fight, 
But the war they fight is of ignorance and pride, 
Saying the other side must die, 
Sayin you're not racist but hell, you're not colorblind. 

From corner to corner and street to street, 
Always on the lookout, 
Waiting for something to breakout, 
Watching your life eek by and by. 

You claim to be at war, 
but thats' what which you know nothing about, 
The bullets the bombs teh blood and guts. 
Bodies let lie in the noon day heat, 
Hearing a child cry out, 
A sniper's shot just rings out, 
The real soldier next to you just had his light snuffed out. 

You talk about drivebys and robbery like your'e hard, 
Hard is seeing a veteran soldier break down and weep and thank the Lord. 

When the days are long, 
and you dont know where teh next shot is coming from, 
The sand the blood teh sewat the grit stings your eyes, 
and you're praying "Dear Lord please! Get me by!" 

Cause death is dealt out on a case by case, 
Hoping that you'll make it back to base, 
Dear Lord please get me outta this place! 

Come to my "hood" and patrol it with me, 
Be it Baghdad, Mosul or Sadr City, 
Think you're bad? Ill show you a wahabi jihadi. 

You talk a big game and run when police show up, 
These mothas open up even when Tanks roll up! 

You drive your HoopD by, 
Pull out your "Gat" and let shells fly, 
Holding it sideways, or at least you try, 
How does the brass not hit you in the eye?! 

Walking around with your pants hanging low, 
Glock in your waistband, kept close at hand, 
Feeling froggy then jump! 
Cause the last thing you'll know, 
Is my rifle spitting fire and stitching you up, 
Two in the chest and one in the face, 
You'll be dead and laid out in disgrace, 
And I'll be home just in time to say God's Grace.

Bullets don't scare me... Bombs don't scare me... Getting hit by a car doesn't scare me. I'm not afraid of dying...then... why am I afraid of living...?

You see it everywhere. Women running around with a collection of soldier's dog tags. I'm not talking about the women that think a guy in uniform is hot. i'm referring to the women that think he's hot but dont see him, they see a steady paycheck. Fuck the soldier get him wrapped around their fingers, and bleed them dry.

Feb 20 2008 worst day in my army career. 
This day, in 2008, i was in Iraq. It was the absolute worst day of my two tours over there, no contest. I have never sat down and wrote down everything that had happened but I feel it is time for me to now. All this is to the best of my recollection and since its been 2 years i might be fuzzy on some points, but i dont think that i'll be too far off. 

It was a bright sunny day in Mosul, Iraq. Gold Platoon Alpha section was scheduled for OP(Observation Position/post) on Rte Santa Fe on the west side of the city. The patrol consisted of two tanks, the Lieutenant's, Gold 1, with him and I honestly dont remember whom else on it and mine, Gold 2 which had Sgt Mackey as the commander, Sgt Dryburgh as the gunner, Lucas as the driver and me as the loader. 

We arrived on station around 1230 and were talking. Sgt Mackey was a replacement commander in that my normal tank commander, Ssg Gibson was filling in for the platoon sergeant of Green or 4th platoon while their normal on was on leave. Sgt Mackey was sent to us to take Ssg Gibson's spot for the interim. 

We were all sitting there, my tank facing the west towards a mosque maybe... 100 yards down the road give or take, and the LT's was caddy-corner to ours facing east to a blown out bridge. While we were sitting we had our hatches closed, mine was shut and Sgt Mackey's was closed over(the TC's hatch had springs to where it would just hover kind of open if you let it but it would be closed over.) Dryburgh was scanning the road with the optics on the main gun while Sgt Mackey did the same with his Thermal optics on his independant display. We were all talking about the army, our experiences, where we wanted to go. He (Sgt Mackey) was talking about his family and wasn't sure if he'd reenlist or not, when there was an explosion and the cabin filled with smoke. I Didnt know what had happened, I threw open my hatch to let the air clear and got back down. Thats when I looked at Sgt Mackey and he turned to me and said "I'm hit" and then he slumped over the breach of the main gun. Myself and dryburgh got him sitting up, Lucas had turned teh tank on. I told him to flip it while i got on the radio and Reported to the LT what had happened. He told us to follow him back to the CSH(Combat Support hospital) on FOB Diamond back, normally about a 20 minute drive. 

Lucas flipped the tank around and took off after the LTs, i was holding Sgt Mackey's hand and standing up to direct Lucas while Dryburgh worked to stabilize him. I gave him all the medical equipment we had in the turret of the tank which quickly ran out. Dryburgh said he needed our aid kits from our gear, which was all in teh bussle rack on the back end of the turret of the tank. Lucas had us going at 40+ miles an hour on busy, congested, roads and to my knowledge he didn't hit anyone. I disconnected my communications' cord to my helmet, climbed out of the turret holding on for dear life and started grabbing our first aid kits offa our gear, all four of them and tossed them down into the turret to dryburgh. then i climbed back in and Sgt mackey pantomined that he was choking on his body armour, so i pulled the cable which would make the front and back halves of the armor fall apart. I got back up when i made sure dryburgh had all of the kits in his reach and proceeded to use my 9mm pistol to fire shots into the back of vehicles that had gotten between me and the LT's tank, he was 70+ yards ahead of us and traffic was merging back. I only shot into trunks that i know of, though i dont remember for sure, that part is fuzzy. Sgt mackey was holding onto my leg and my pistol belt and holster which i kept on my right thigh. I'll never forget when he went into shock, the way he held onto me and my hand and arm...

we eventually made it to the hospital, taking that 20 minute usual drive and shortening it to about 7 minutes... everyone was amazed that we got there that quick. we pulled up right to the front door and medics and the Lieutinant jumped up on the tank to help me pull and and dryburgh push him out. the put him on a stretcher and rushed him to surgery. they were amazed that he was still coherent not to mention alive when he got there, which is a testament to his will and dryburgh's medical know-how. when me and dryburgh walked into the CSH, we were so covered in blood, grim and grit that medics rushed to us, thinking we were walking wounded... we didnt know how bad we looked till we went to the latrine and saw our faces... it was like a horror movie. I'll never forget how long it took to wash my face remotely clean of the dust and dirt and blood... 

then all three of us just sat around in shock... i eventually wandered aimlessly around, of course i didnt have my cover(hat) on cause i had left it in the tank and it really wasnt just a priority to grab it. Sgt Major Leandre came up to me and started fussing at me for walking around out side without my hat on going on about how"... we've had a tragedy but have to keep our military bearing so get your ass back in your tank and get your cover trooper" to which i crawled up on my tank, looked in... it was a sea of red... i got back down and told him no, wasn't getting it.... one of my buddies (Moore) got it for me so i wouldnt get in trouble. 

In the end after several hours in surgery and after putting over 70 units of blood into him, Sgt Mackey died... according to people that were in there, in the end he was mainly concerned with his crew, us, that we were ok... and he barely knew us... thats what kinda man he was... 

It had eventually come out that it was an RPG gunner, shooting down on top of our tank, from on top of that Mosque... it was a newer type RPG that had a steel core penetrator in it so when it exploded, that was designed to pierce armor. when it hit, it hit right on a weld here the armor was weakest, went through, and went through Sgt Mackey's upper right chest. The damage was too severe to repair. It was his time to go I am convinced based on the shot and weapon used... but it still is hard. If i left anything out i am sorry, I am not telling this to make me look good, this is for me, so I never forget. I dont believe i left anything out but this was only one perspective...

All too often you'll see people use the word "forever" in conjunction with their "love" or something similar. Now forever is a nice notion don't get me wrong, but how many people truly understand that concept of time. To some people forever is the rest of their lives, Others forever is till tomorrow. It's sad sometimes that we put so much stock into what people say that we have to have the reassurance of "forever" to fully believe that they're always going to be there. I wont lie and say that i've never used forever in conjunction with expressing my love. But in many ways i mean it. to me, If i say "I love you" I mean it. and while i might not always be IN love with you, some part of me, will, still, always love that person. 

I've seen and heard the illustration of a wedding, now i may be messing this up a little bit its been years. But at this wedding the bride and groom are up front holding hands, reciting their vows. When the priest gets the the part about loving and cherishing long as you both shall live etc, one after another other women kept coming up to stand next to the groom. The bride, of course getting, distressed asked who they were. To which the groom said "These are the women I have already given my heart to, but I swear, what is left is yours." 

Now, we tend to give our "love" to anyone that can speak a sweet word and make us feel like we're the only person on earth. I also don't believe there's any "ONE" person out there for someone. To me there's just the best choice. who makes us consistently happy, who puts us above everyone else, so on and so forth. 

If you're having issue, deciding if who you're with is what you really want, or making a choice for who you really want... a good, decent way to simplify it is this. Get a couplea sheets of paper. write down on one everything you look for and WANT in a mate, someone you can spend your "forever" with. Do your best to clear your mind of bias in writing it towards whomever you currently are with. Now, on the second, third, fourth so on sheets of paper, make two columns. Pros and cons, or good and bad whatever you prefer. Start with the bad based on everything you know of the individual. Write down everything "bad" first and assign a number to it. 1-5 or 1-10 is easiest. Tally up the bad, then switch to the good column and do the same. If the totals are... within a few numbers of each other...maybe keep him around, but keep the sheet to add to it later, or detract as you see fit. Do that with everyone you currently want. If the bad by far outweighs the good, then get rid of him out right. Lastly, compare what you look for, to what you know about each individual. Dont matter if he's a "good" person or not. If it dont mesh with what you need... then get rid of him. 

As opposed to my prior illustration, i don't believe the heart is set in size to where youc an dole out peices and eventually run out... I believe its an ever expanding...entity. like a balloon that wont pop. as it gets full it gets bigger and bigger... tehres always room for more love. I don't believe a broken heart breaks your heart so much as it deflates it. and it takes it a while to get you back to the point you were prior... Theres always more love we humans always have teh capacity to love more, IF we let ourselves.

I've noticed in my own life, that all too often i get stuck in the friend zone. Either due to my own missed opportunities or cluelessness. Or cause i'm "too" nice at times. I dont know. Quite often it seems I am the first person to come to when there's a problem, or a breakup or whatever. Get told you're the exact type of guy i want, then get overlooked. Dont get me wrong, i'm not complaining about being there for people. I love that actually, I like to help and make a difference. But why doesnt "you're the type of guy that i really want" seem to ever turn into "You're the EXACT guy that i want"? I used to get told that I am too nice to women. I should take advantage of my position, cause breakups or mistrust and use them. but i cant. I like to believe that i'm not that type of person. I.E. if i get asked what i think about someones bf that i like her. I do my best to avoid it, if i cant, i do my best to make ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that my opinion is biased but i'll try to be as objective as I possibly can. And when i turn out to be right, that he really is a douche that is using you for your vagina... yeah i understand that it hurts, but do you not think that it hurts me, caring for you that much, to see you hurt? Knowing full well i'd never make those mistakes, i have in the past but i actually learned. If i wanted pussy i could get it. I'll be honest i'm not bad looking and I'm good enough with words that I can get most women i set my sights on if I really want to. Warstories help too. But i'm at the age and i've done enough in my life, i'm not looking for a lay, i'm hoping for a wife. You dont find a wife in bars 9 times outta 10. You find her by being friends. Good friends. But i seem to lack the little knack for realizing when's the time to move past friends into a relationship. 

I know the perfect woman for me is out there. But so many good women, deserve a good man... why do they not see what they deserve... is sitting right in front of them?

Alot of times I have been asked, "Why did you join the Army?" Truthfully I did it because I didn't wish to go to college yet, I was tired of school, I wanted to do somethign different. One of my cousins had joined the marines a few years before and I went to her graduation and I became enamoured with the lifestyle. So when i was a senior I joined the marines, long story short it didnt work out so a year roundabouts after i graduated i Joined the army and went to basic. Throughout my time in I had successes and failures. Granted my failures outweigh my successes but that doesn't overall tarnish the experience. Ultimately my successes are MY successes same as my failures are MY failures, noone elses but mine. I could always pass blame around liberally. The military, like everything else, but possibly more so, you get out of it what you put into it. If you put your heart and soul into it then you'll be a "fast tracker" and rise fast and high in the ranks. or you can be a complete "shitbag" and scrape them until someone decides to give you the boot. 

I, unfortunately, was a mixture of the two. I did a rank "wave" going up and down, up and down. Mainly cause i couldnt keep my mouth shut and let my stubborn streak get the better of me. I wish i hadnt, but hindsight is always 20/20. Not saying I wasn't a good soldier. Just my bad things were really "bad" to some people. basically it was alot of little fuckups over 5 years in that bit me in my rear. but i've learned from it, after i shoulda but at least i still learned. 

I do not regret my time served. I do not regret serving in my unit, if i had a choice and I went back in, it would be home to 3d ACR. Always. I am loyal to that unit. Its my home, my family. I spent five years of my life with them, gave them my sweat and blood. Took bullets for them. mangled my body for them. I would do it all over again if i could. 

The army can be a great place. It can show you who you are deep inside. Show you what you're capable of, things that you have NO clue you can do right now. If you're considering it. You should do it. the benefits and possible gains by far outweigh any loss. 

In closing. I love the Army. I love the 3d Armored Cavalry Regiment. I love my soldiers, my friends my brothers my Family.