silentheart's blog: "friendships and what they mean"

This is not new but its something I felt need of to write. Back in 1992, when my mother was still alive but after my father's death in '86. I was living with my mom to help take care of her in dallas texas. life was pretty normal for us when one days a beautiful lady drove up in a U-Haul. the way our apartments was set up my patio was nearest the parking lot and closest to my neighbors patio. That was the day I meet Donna Merrik. she was moving into the apartment next door to mine. she had 2 cute dogs and lots of stuff. I asked if she needed some help and she accepted with a smile. I let my mom know what was happening and closed the patio door so to keep my own dog indoors. I put her dogs onto my patio as her door would be open alot. then I helped her move in. we became fast friends at that point. over the next year we grew together. going out on 'dates' sometime double dating. sometimes we would spend all night in her apartment talking about horrible dates we had just had. I remember; with a smile, her saying one night after her date left: "I can't believe I fucked him." We had a very special friendship she and I. she taught me something I shall never forget. "women are not just for sex." she taught me I could have a friendship with a woman and it not being sexual. we kissed only once and never went beyound that. she always wanted to keep our friendship on the purest levels by not tainting it with sex. on christmas eve my brother in arlington, tx wanted me to come spend christmas eve with him and his family. his daughter and son wanted to give me some gifts. I had a wonderful time but at a dear cost. i got home christmas afternoon intime to see them taking donna out of her apartment. She had taken her life sometime in the night. my mother said she came over looking for me 3 times christmas eve. Not a single day goes by I don't think about that day. not a single day goes by that I don't think "what if" What If I *had* been home. would she still be alive. What was so important that she would take her life because she could not talk to me? I'll never know. I only know she left a note that said "please take care of my dogs". She had took a full bottle of some prescription medication. for weeks after I was in the worst of states. wouldn't go out for anything. then I relized something very dear. Donna would not had wanted me to do this. So I turned my pain not inward and worked in crisis prevention. instead of quiting, of putting myself out of the game. I went and helped others. I know that's what donna would be proud of. Donna; I miss you sweetheart more now then ever. I'll never forget you and will never forgive myself for not being there. your friend forever and ever David

Ok this is a rant that might hurt someone's feelings. i'm sorry if it does but I speak my mind ALWAYS. I was raised Wiccan. I was not raised under the lies of christianity. the "easter bunny" "Santa Clause" "the Tooth Faery" and such things as that. all lies made to make children feel better toward christianity. now that rant is not about religion is about trust. I do *not* lie. gave that up a long time ago. I found it only hurts those one lies to, and it hurts the ones lying. case in point for me. 4 years ago in Austin Texas I was in a relationship with a woman that shall remain nameless; for a period of 3 years. during those three years she told me to my face that she loved me, she wanted to marry me and all these wonderful things. though to other people but on the streets, in malls, and over the internet; she told them I was stalking her, she was afraid of me. She actually claimed to people online that i had "followed her home and cut her face with a knife leaving horrible scars." what she did not know was some of our mutal friends got the message and was shocked that her face had magically healed over night and that I was "out of jail" not 1 day later as I appeared online. nice trick considering in the legal system in texas they hold you for 3 months before they must indite you or release you. they will not hold you for less the 3 months less they know they have no case as they want to bleed every dime they can out of you. they receive from the state $150 a day a person spends in jail. It took 3 years of these constant lies before I tossed her to the side. during this time she managed to tell 3 of my long term friends [more then 2 decades] that she loved THEM. and got them to actually attack me! all three times I got away. so yes I have serious issues of Trust. I am trying very hard to trust what others tell me; truely I am. but its hard when I hear the saem things from other people; nearly word for word. lies I have heard and seen before. It makes it very hard to trust people. so If I seem short to someone remember: I'm healing for a deep wound. Its not me talking but the pain.

well this one is basicly my way of friendly reminding others of such simple acts as keeping ones word that helps to foster, build and grow a good friendship. few weeks ago a friend of mine in finland asked for a tube of pringles; sour cream and onions fat free. other people from the US that claimed to be her friend promised to send some but had not. I told her I would. could not get fat free ones but got 50% fat free which is close enough. sent thme off about 30 minutes ago and my friend is very happy to hear that. should take about 7 days to get there and only cost me little under $10.00 US. simple act of buying the pringles, wrapping and addressing and going to the post office. the man was quite surprised at pringles being sent to finland but said it could be done. on ones part to do such things makes others quite happy. this simple deed should foster my friendship even closer but i'ld done it otherwise just to show her; not all americans break their word. in a week she will be enjoying them and know that we are a good people. well that's my rant for now. enjoy