angel's blog: "Friends"

This is just a long rant to get things out! I am feeling the need today to just let things flow. I want to be a lover, but some how I don't know the rules to that game and end up being to giving and then feeling like the doormat. Which is not good and yes I know there are things that I can do, but right now I am not in the space to do anything but be pissed off. That is what this whole blog is really about being pissed off. Wondering if I am being pissed off to often and need to consult the gang and see what I am doing wrong, cause surely I am either doing something that I should stop doing so this doesn't happen, or else I am not doing something that I should get a handle on. For starters I think I will start off by smacking a few people upside the head. Might get some attention even if it is negative. Basically I don't know what I am writing about so it is all good, I don't do well with public blogs. Maybe I need to write my feelings down in private

Don't get me wrong I love my job, in fact until the last couple of weeks I woke up with a smile and couldn't wait to get there to begin my day. Sure like everyone else I loved weekends, my days off, but I liked going to work! So what changed? My boss who I really, really liked and got along well with resigned. She moved onto greener pastures, a good move for her. It left me with some people who live for drama, and with out her around to tame it, it grows daily to new heights. I know I don't have to like my coworkers, I just have to play nice while I am work. Gotta tell ya I have stress from doing this, this last week. I am sure it would be easier to tell them all to .... well you get the picture. Would not make things better however. Anyone got some stress busting ideas, or how to play nice in the sandbox with the kids that throw sand at you? On the lighter side I have gotten a few giggles at their expense. I don't feel entirely good about that, but it has been amusing. And today when I left, I skipped across the parking lot, congratulating myself on making it through the week. Plan to have a quiet weekend doing just fun things that will help destress me... you know drink at least a dozen beers, have some great sex, bubble bath... ahhh then ready to face another week! Wish me luck!

Alright, just want to let off some steam and see if anyone else could possibly be a silly and stupid as me! Why do we as humans seem to have to learn things the hard way? I mean why can't we decide that life is hard enough to just get through each day without having to have things come to us again and again? It would seem that I tend to keep doing the same things over and over and while I think I am a smart person am starting to believe that maybe I should look at that and rethink it. I think I would like someone to do things for me. I am a nurturing giver all the time, and so I tend to just get into that mode and don't even think about it until it hits me upside the head that maybe it is time for me to just stop. I tend to take over and do everything for the people I love. Which for them is a good thing as they pretty much can do what they want then. The problem is I get hurt, and start feeling like I am being used. I don't have to be this way, I can choose to have relationships that are bothing giving and taking (don't get me wrong, there is usually giving, only it gets a little onesided and I give more than I take). So right here and now I am stopping! NO more doing everything so that others can do what they want, I am worthy of having someone do things for me so that I have free time to do as I please.

I currently at the time of this blog have 73 friends. I pick these friends carefully through looking at their pages and seeing if we have any of the same interests. I also try to keep in touch with those friends... and yes I don't do a good job, it is hard to post to each person. I would like to get to know each of my friends better and truely be a friend, not just a name on the screen. I am wondering how all of those who are on LC and have like hundreds of friends do it! Any pointers would be welcome!