I filled out some blogs earlier, and some asked about ex's, and missing someone, so I gave my answer. No name of course, just a reference. Then I was on a music website, and I came across a song that reminded of my "soulmate", and past ex best friend. Listening to it gave me an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I do not know why. I think it is because at one time this person was my everything. The one person that you NEVER thought would exist out of your life. He did, and he did not have any regrets. It took me a long time to move on with my life. I became extremely self distructive. I promised myself I would never allow myself to get close to anyone ever again. Now, we all know that there are two sides to every story. I became a royal bitch to this ex soulmate of mine. Jealousy, anger, hate, love, every fucking emotion in the book was thrown out towards him. I could not deal with his sexuality choice. Basically because he chose to be gay, and well I am female, so yeah that pissed me off alot.
Anyways, I went on with my life, got married, dealed with more drama, made new friends. However, I still feel that I do not understand how someone who was once your bestfriend, soulmate, lover, and confidant, could just throw you away like you were a piece of shit, and nothing matter. None of the bullshit, family issues, fun times, any memory made, ever matter enough to keep someone in your life. I know most people will say just get the fuck over it already, but I think I will have this issue with me for the rest of my life. I really do not want any enemies in my life. Doesnt mean that I dont have them. This year has been so emotionally drowning to me. He would have been the one person who understood me. I am not saying that talking to my bestfriends now, would not understand me, but everything dealing with the death of my Grandma, he knew her. He knew how I was with her. He would know why it is devestating for me not to have closure with her death. That is an entirely different story.
I am glad to be married to my husband. This has been a very trying year for us also. I just wanted to write about the friend that went away... If anyone comments this blog saying the only guy I should care about is my husband, I dont give a fuck. I am a sensitive person, that will write what she truely feels. Deal with it.
One more thing, I text him tonight. Told him I missed him. If you have someone you still love, but have ruined things with hateful words, apologize, and let the person apologize to you. Dont end things on hate.
Hilary
