PEEPIN TOM's blog: "FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND FANS!!!!!"

Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? They're going to see you naked anyway. Why does a pizza get to the house faster than an ambulance? Why is the original text in a document called "copy"? Why do drug stores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescription, but smokers can get their cigarettes up front? (thanks to Imani) Why is the small size of a candy bar the "fun size"? It's more fun to eat a big candy bar. (thanks to Shane) Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? (thanks to Steve M.) Why are there handicap parking places in front of the skating rink? Why doesn't whoop-ass doesn't come in bottles? (thanks to Schmidty) Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke? Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? (thanks to Evets) Why do banks leave both doors open but they chain the pens to the counter? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead? Why do Americans leave their expensive cars on the driveway, but have useless junk in the garage? Why don't the hairs on your arm get split ends? (thanks to Shane) Why do drive-up ATMs have instructions in braille? Why is lingerie so popular, if love is blind? Why does the sun lighten our hair but tan our skin? Why does lemonade have artificial flavoring but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? (thanks to Evets) Why can't women put on their mascara with their eyes closed? Why do banks charge a fee for "non-sufficient funds" when they know you don't have enough money? Why do you never see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why are outlets electrical but inlets are geographical? (thanks to Schmidty) Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why isn't anything in Wal-Mart free yet, if they're lowering prices every day? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why do they call the airport the terminal, if flying is so safe? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why is dyslexic such a hard word to spell? (thanks to Jordan) Why are the others here, if we are here to help others? Why do you believe it when someone tells you there are four billion stars, but you always check when you see the wet paint sign? Why does lighting an outdoor grill always make the wind blow? (thanks to LarryNewParts) Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a chapter 11? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? (thanks to Evets) Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath is in the bottle, the bubbles are always white? Why do we say "It's colder than hell outside"? (thanks to Shane) Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? (thanks to Steve M.) Why is the word "lisp" spelled with an "S"? Why do they call it a building when it's already built? (thanks to Ben) Why do you have to buy Barbie's friends, if she's so popular? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat has materialized? Why are mattresses on sale every day? Isn't that the normal price? Why do we still have apes (if people evolved from apes)? Why is dental floss mint flavored? All I ever taste is blood and chicken. (thanks to Bennett) Why, if man is descended from apes, do we still have apes? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but he still ducks when someone throws the gun at him? Why do you keep trying to vacuum up that string, and when it doesn't get picked up, you'll pick it up and then put it down to give the vacuum another chance? Why don't sheep shrink in the rain? (thanks to Evets) Why is it called rush hour when you don't move? (thanks to Evets) Why isn't there a speed of dark? (thanks to Steve M.) Why are animals made out of meat if we're not meant to eat them? Why is it that when you attempt to stop something from falling off the table, you manage to knock something else over? Why aren't there father-in-law jokes?

What women say And what they MEAN ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments. FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome". THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the outside world. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with beautiful descriptive words. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and not even see the wall. Shes said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you." The lesson: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

I was Tagged by Jasmine Instructions...... Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird or random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose at least 5 people to be tagged, listing their names . Don't forget to leave a comment that says, "You're it!" on their profile and ask them to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. 1. My Favorite food is Italian. (My wife can cook her ass off! Not off too much, I like that ass just the way it is!). LOL 2. I was bitten by a shark when I was 10 years old and needed 47 stitches on my left knee. 3. I shot a woman when I was 5 years old with my fathers police revolver. (not bragging, nor am I proud of it)She was fine. Only a graze. 4. My favorite vacation spot is an Irish themed B&B called Kilahevlin in Front Royal Virginia, right near Skyline Drive (Blue Ridge mountains) 5. I have broken bones 31 times. (all separate occasions) 6. I'm allergic to aspirin. 7. I studied Islam and was a practicing muslim for a few months. (peer pressure!) LOL 8. My favorite music band/group is Casting Crowns, News Boys, And Todd Agnew. 9. I love the look of glasses on a woman. OMG! Something about the librarian look that just mmmmmm does something! LOL 10. I love writing erotic stories. Have written many, but afraid to send them to be published. LOL