In the city called fort Saskatchewan I had famiy. I stayed with them untill I could get a job. I moved in with my auntie and my cousin who at the time was 14 years young.
I gave her my focus, and my protection.
She began to explore the world and I did my best to keep her on a good path. She began to try drugs and I just made sure she didn't get hurt. She introduced me to drugs of all kinds. I refused to partake.
She rebelled aginst her mother and i and robbed me many times. She hurt me a great deal. I soon became violent toward people who were a threat. I would not bend I would break. I knew every criminal in fort Saskatchewan.
I began to hate.
I met people who could kill people. i met drug dealers. I had them on my side. I don't know how. But through the years I have gained much confidence and a presence of menace. If i feel threatened I seem to grow.
I now know that they feared me. i used it to my advantage to protect my cousin from herself.
She began to hate me and she began to die before my eyes. I despaired.
i knew not what to do and afte 3 years i had had no success except to gain allies i didn't really want. And then I met Jamie.
The handsomest man i have ever met.
He was a good lover and a good friend. I met him on the grapevine edmonton. We met we cliked and we fit.
He gave me a rock to hold on to and I fealt better for him just existing. 3 months go by and my cousin is 80 pounds covered in sores and the creepy guy next door is watching me. He watches me as I walk to work and then home.
Jamie gets promoted and dissapeares.
I despair and then I get angry.
I tell my aunt what is happening and succeed in showing my cousin her behaviour is unacceptable. I leave her to her own devices and to her mother.
She tries to kill me as does her boyfriend. The man who got her into meth.
They do not succeed and I narowly avoid assult charges. He was high i was not. I win.
i meet Paul who seemed to need me and we lasted 2 years involving him being needy but (were not going out) From his lips to everyones ear. He had a big dick and so I tolerated him only for that.
He cheats on me and i find out frome someones else. He gets the girl pregnant. His third child. He does not tell me for some time. I catch him acting differently and corner him into telling me what's going on. He tells all and I decide to forgive him because i became attached to him through habit. He marries her and does not tell me. I dump him and am tremped to beat him to death. He tries to get me back because she realizes the level of stupidity he possesses.
No rehab for stupidity.
He still tries to manipulate me today 2 years late.
My aunt and i fall out.
I move away from her home and move for the 8th time. in and out of my aunts house due to stress. It had happened often. i go through jobs and cannot keep them because I cannot tolerate any abuse. I vowed to myself I would never allow anyone to abuse me.
To much old pain.
I lost all my life in Fort Saskatchewan. All my belongings.
A allowed a new man to seduce me and he succeeded very well. He kicked me out of his home and I came back to my home town. He has all i possess and i cannot go back.
I am now more distant and know that if i am not carefull I will be taken agian. I can forgive and I can trust But I cannot allow full enterance into my heart.
I now wait for a man to fully earn it.
I am lonley and I sometime despair but I know that my mate is out there somewhere.
Through it all i did learn who i am and who I want to be. I am now a truck driver and I love the freedome of my life.
I am still not whole for that will never be granted to me and i know not how to earn it.
God help me.
