vulgardisplayofpowermchsicom's blog: "For you...."

You came to me with an undeniable, undying love. You made me feel that we were an unstoppable pair, and able to take on the world or whatever it threw at us, but things change and now that wont ever happen.. From the 1st time we talked on here, to our 1st phone conversation, to the 1st time we met face to face, I loved you with everything in my body, mind and soul. Then almost a year ago everything changed in a matter of minutes. I had so many plans for us for when I got there, they all vanished, my whole life meant nothing, I was wrecked. The things I had working when I was there last fall meant nothing. As I said my whole life meant nothing. I still think about you daily, pretty much every second of the day passes and your on my mind, I still don't know why your mind changed about us. At the time I was shocked at everything that was going on. I had and still have many questions to "why", but I know I will never get an answer to them. You said you needed time to think because you "lost your mind"... I gave you time, but yet I don't think I was included in that time. I think about every conversation we had, every time we were actually together, and the horrific ending to our relationship. You were so cold to me did I really do something so horrible to be treated that way? Now almost every song that plays on the radio reminds me of you, Especially if certain ones are on the discs I made for you. My cries for some type of help from you fell upon deaf ears. It all came to a head the night I almost pulled the trigger... My final note read only 1 thing your name address and phone number and for someone to tell you about this. As I sat there in tears contemplating it I had a view of clarity. That view was that you wouldn't have any remorse. Now you have someone new and something new, and I have nothing... The thing that hurt the most was Christmas... Everything I had paid for, and planned was for nothing. Just because you were "having your breakdown"... Your reaction I will never forget as long as I live... "Yeah Whatever, don't call me I'm going to the movies"... Its very hard for me not to think this wasn't planned before I came out last year. I know what you want, you get... I just wish it would of been different. I mean I wish I could of at least had a fighting chance to save what we worked so hard for, but I guess it was for null since it was so easy just to throw it away and have someone already waiting for you.

This is for......Ill let the words do the talking... She knows who she is... Bury all your secrets in my skin, come away with innocence and leave me with my sins. The air around me feels like a cage and the love is just camouflage for what resembles rage. So if you ever loved me let me go and run away before I know. My heart is too dark to care, I can't destroy what isn't there. Deliver me into my fate, if I'm alone I cannot hate I don't deserve to have you, my smile was taken long ago. If I can change I hope I will never know. I use to press your letters and pictures to my lips, and cherish them in every part of me that savors every kiss. I couldn't face a life without your light. But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight. So save your breath for I won't hear, you have made that very clear. You couldn't hate enough to love, is that supposed to be enough? I only wish you weren't my friend, So I could forget all of you in the end. I never claimed to be a saint. My own was banished long ago it took the death of hope to try let you go. So break yourself against my stones, spit your pity into my soul, you never needed any help, you sold me out to save yourself, and I won't listen to your shame. You ran away, your all the same, angels lie to keep control... My love was punished by you long ago... If you still care... I don't wanna know...