anenome's blog: "I BLOW MINDS FOR A LIVING!!"

The things I believed in no longer exist. It's foolish to think they do.
Western civilization finally went up in smoke in the chimneys of dachau, and I was too infatuated to see it.
I see it now.

I gather it to be all of your beliefs that culture tends to contribute to human misery. That the more one knows, the more unhappier one is likely to be. Take the bible, it's right in there. The Garden of Eden. Knowledge is destructive to the spirit, destructive to goodness. From God's point of view, all knowledge is vanity.

Or maybe it just gives people the unhealthy illusion they can 'outwit' the devil.

The darker picture is always the correct one. When you read the history of the world, you're reading the saga of bloodshed and greed and folly the importive which is impossible to ignore. And yet, we imagine that the future will somehow be different.

I have no idea why we are even still here, and in all probability we won't be here much longer.

I'm not special. You are not special. We are all just fellow occupants of the same abyssal pit in which I find myself in.

Does misery love company? You think I am full of shit?  They tell me the light is all around me but I see nothing but shadow, and I am the one causing it.

Just because I don't, and never had the faith most of you have; maybe having no faith is a matter of not having anything else. I don't know…and I DO know.

I don't have the chance, like most of you, to start over again or even starting over completely…just walk away.

If everything you are, and everything you have and everything you've done has brought you to the bottom of a whiskey bottle, I can't give you one good reason of salvaging any of it, because there isn't anything.

I have brought myself to close the door on all of that. And it is cold; it is very lonely; and there is a fierce wind blowing, and it is an obscure place to be…almost interesting and worth investigating.

Over the decades, all of the aforementioned has just centered around a gradual loss of 'make believe' of gradual enlightenment as to the nature of reality of the world.

But I don't live in a world of 'make believe'. I have been enlightened to the truth. The fact that this world is basically a forced labor camp in which the workers, who are totally innocent, are led forth by lottery…a few each day, to be executed. I don't think that is the way I see it, I think that is just the way it is.

I am sure there are alternative views, but I don't think any of them will stand with close scrutiny.

A quote: 'The one thing I have that I won't give up, is giving up. I am depending on it. The things I believed in were very frail. As I have said, they won't be around very long and neither will I. But it goes deeper than that. You can acclimate to laws, you have to…

Just because something is valuable or good doesn't mean it's going to be around forever, but that doesn't mean it is worthless.' 'You give up the world line by line and you become an accomplice  to your own annihilation.
There's nothing you can do about it. Everything you do closes a door somewhere ahead of you. Finally, there is only one door left.
I pray for the darkness…I pray for death. A real death. If I knew I would have eternal life after death, that would be the ultimate horror, the ultimate nightmare.
If I knew I was going to start all over and see my relatives…my mother, and live life over and over again for eternity without death to look forward to, that would be the ultimate nightmare…kafka ["Miss FB. When I arrived at Brod's on 13 August, she was sitting at the table. I was not at all curious about who she was, but rather took her for granted at once. Bony, empty face that wore its emptiness openly. Bare throat. A blouse thrown on. Looked very domestic in her dress although, as it turned out, she by no means was. (I alienate myself from her a little by inspecting her so closely ...) Almost broken nose. Blonde, somewhat straight, unattractive hair, strong chin. As I was taking my seat I looked at her closely for the first time, by the time I was seated I already had an unshakeable opinion".] on wheels.

But you can't be one of the dead because those without existence have no community…no community; my heart warms just thinking about it. [Blackness; Aloneness; Silence; Peace; and all of it only a heartbeat away]. I don't regard my state of mind as some pessimistic view of the world; I regard it as the world itself. Evolution cannot avoid bringing intelligent life ultimately to an awareness of one thing and one thing above all else, and that one thing is…futility. Basically, everyone who is eaten up by the dumb ass should be suicidal.

If people could see the world for what it truly is; see their lives for what they truly are without dreams or illusions, I can't think of one reason why they wouldn't want to die as soon as possible."

I DON'T believe in God! Look around you! Can't you see the clamor and den of those in torment has to be the sound most pleasing to his ear.

I loathe these discussions and debates…the argument of the village atheist whose single passion is to revile endlessly, that which he denies the existence of in the first place. Your fellowship…the 'love your brother', organized religion etc.