thricerx7's blog: "For anyone with enough of a soul to read this..."

click here to add yourself added this new map thing to my profile... it shows where all my friends are that i met on here. it's pretty cool. if you're on my list, you should definitely add yourself.. it's lookin pretty empty right now! come on friends! you know what to do!

It bothers me. I contemplated for a while on whether to pull my notebook back out and actually write what was on my mind. I wondered if i would regret anything i said tomorrow morning, because of whatever mood i was in that night. I thought about a lot of things, and decided expressing myself should never become a regret. It bothers me; the distance, the drama, the indeciciveness... it bothers me how little i know, yet how fascinated i am. I’m always left wanting more. It bothers me not many people read what i have to say. Yet, flipping the situation around proves i’m a hypocrite. The lack of words, bothers me. Sometimes just being myself bothers me. My genuineness comes into question. All the useless job applications i fill out on a day to day basis breaks this open...lies spill out like ink on paper. Surveys, questionairres, all asking me the same thing. My answer being, yes i am a fraud yet i’d kill for a job that makes me happy. Misery loves company. Want to be mine? Can you be mine? Would you? I dont deserve such things anyway. i try to give advice to others, but cannot even take my own advice and actually follow it. I was always a firm believer of ‘looking right under my nose’ for the special things in life i may overlook on a day to day basis. From experience, being overlooked is a god awful feeling. Not being given the time of day, because why? Someone thinks they’re better than you? I dont think i’m better than anyone, at least i dont think i do... now what am i? An overlooker. Perhaps I have something, er...someone right there, but i hate it. Mostly because i have someone else on the mind. Exactly the thing i fucking hate, i’ve become. I lost sight, went astray, committed murders and sins, and it seems I’m back to square one. It bothers me. Call me a whore, it suits me well. I wear it like a black eye. But why? Do i stand out at all to you? Im more confused than anything. It means something to me. I’m a sucker like i said, but please don’t prove me right. What can i do? It truly feels like high school all over again. I want to avoid it all, start from where we left off... Does it mean anything to you? It bothers me. I never said a bad word concerning you. I never would. There’s still something. An innocence... I couldn’t hurt you. I would never want to. I cant even use the word darling. Anytime i type the word, even accidentally... you. No one else recieves such treatment and care. Just remember that. Im not normal, i’ve said from day one. I put it out in the open, that i’m not the typical twenty something male test subject. I think, feel, and express emotions. I’ve heard slivers of things that give me false hope. I like you too. I’ve said it. It bothers me, but what can i do? Is it all too real now, yet not real enough at the same time? So it would seem. I’ve said too much. I always fear exposure. Vulnerability equals weakness. The more i write, the less i want to show you. It’s too late now, the show must go on. Everything bothers me.

from thisdoll♥ 70 QUIRKS ABOUT ME - 01. Initials: REk 02. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Brea's b-day is a day off of mine. I dont know anyone with the same 03. Last thing you ate: Rice actually. 04. For or against same sex marriage: Either or. 05. I say Shotgun! You say?: Hike! 06. Last person you hugged?: My mom and sister and brother who I finally got to see after a year and a half. 07. Do you believe in God?: ... 08. How many U.S states have you been to?: Five 09. How many of the U.S states have you lived in: Two 10. Ever lived outside of the US: Nope 11. Name something you like physically about yourself: Um. Eyes. 12. Something non-physical you like about yourself: Skills! Gosh! 13. Who is your best friend?: Not really anyone, anymore. *sigh* 14. Why are you up?: I'm an insomniac and I'm talking to her <4... errmmm.. sort of. 15. Who made you angry today? My roommate pisses me off on a day-to-day basis. He's cool and all, but I live with the guy. We're bound to get on each other's nerves. 16. Favorite type of Food?: I'll go with seafood, sushi, mexican, steak, or all of the above, kthx. 17. Favorite holiday: Christmas when I actually get to see my family. 18. Do you download music: Yep, shoot me now. 19. What illegal things have you done?: Stuff. 20. Sing and Dance?: Probably sing every now and then. Dance, not so much. 21. Would you date the person that posted this?: Mhm, without a doubt <4 22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?: Nah, but I've done it. 24. Do you like Bush: Does anyone? ← Heh, good answer 26. Have you ever went white-water rafting: No 27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?: Yep. Gives me the confidence boost I need. Psh. 28. How much money ya got?: Not too much. 9. Have you met a real redneck?: Yep, I've been to NASCAR! 30. How is the weather right now?: Coldish 31. What are you listening to right now: Nothing, I was listening to Haste the Day 32. What is your current fav song?: Dunno. I got Haste the Day- 'When Everything Falls' stuck in my head. 33. What was the last movie you watched?: New American Pie movie, or 50 First Dates was on in the hotel room in Vegas. 35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?: Jobhunting. *sigh* 36. What are you afraid of?: Misery. 37. How many piercings and tattoos do you have?: Two-ish piercings. No tats. *sigh again* 38. How many pets do you have: Zero. 41. What do you usually order from Starbucks? I don't. 42. Have you ever fired a gun? No 43. Are you missing someone?: Always. I dont deserve them though. 44. Fav. TV show?: I can't say I watch TV 45. Do you have an ipod?: No I want one though. 46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?: Yeah, I've gotten Christopher Walken, and Bam Margera to name a few. ??? LOL 47. Collect shoes?: No 48. Who would you like to see right now?: Her. 49. Favorite movie of all time?: I dont have one single favorite...I could name a few. 51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? I believe so. Heh. 52. Favorite flower: Roses. It's all I know. Plus I take good pictures of roses. 53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?: Kettle Corn FTW. 54. What Magazines are you reading?: None 55. Have you ever ridden in a limo: No. I'm deprived. 56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?: Really close? No. Friends, yes. My grandpa, yes... RIP to both. 57. Favorite dance? lately my robot impersonation. LOL 58. What's something that really bugs you?: stupid things bother me. being jobless really bothers me right now. 60. Do you like Michael Jackson?: He likes little kids. I dont think so. 61. Whats your favorite smell?: No idea. 62. Favorite basketball team: None 63. Favorite cereal: Kix or Chex. Things with X in them are so hXc obviously. 64. Do you drive: two Rx-7s.. ermm. kinda. they're both kinda broken. sad. 65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?: i dunno, but i do it on a normal basis now it would seem. 66. Last time you went bowling?: a couple months ago. i'll say may? heh, that rhymed! i can rhyme too! 67. Who was your last phone call?: My mother. She made it home safe back to good old Iowa. 68. Last person you thought of?: Her. 69. Do you smoke/drink?: Occasionally for both. Only smoke when I drink though. Not very often. I have flaws. Okay? 70. Wheres your favorite place to be: Not home, that's for sure. Everything pisses me off lately... grr rawr. thank you for listening/reading my life. bye. RE

it went okay... i assume it's a good sign that after we went through the songs i'm supposed to learn 1) he gave me a cd to listen to at home so i can practice their songs at home 2) we got along better than ever expected 3) we pretty much have the same music taste 4) i stayed a couple hours later than planned just hanging out with the guys and playing video games the guy seriously has a recording studio in his house... the soundboard alone worth 70k or so... at least 13 guitars, both acoustic and electric. electronic and regular drumset. amplifiers, speakers, and mics everywhere... and he's really talented. the whole thing sounds amazing and everyone else is just as talented. insane. i really want to be part of this...!!!<3 is my passion, damnit. that is all.

i'm auditioning for a band today to be the second guitarist and i'm really nervous... like, really nervous.. it sounds like the perfect band i want to be part of. i will let everyone know how it went i suppose... wish me luck?

why the hell are some pot pies microwavable and some HAVE to be put in the oven? if you try to microwave them, they're disgusting... (lol, ask me how i know)! insight people?

my car has a flat tire i cant get this guitar riff right, or any guitar riffs for that matter i have a habit of staying up late, really late, too late i'm constantly losing my mind i can never sleep when i say i'm going to music and friends are the only things that keep me going bank account is in the negative, money's never really been an issue before suddenly all of life's major issues hit me in the face like a brick, injuries soon follow in my perfect world i'd be a rockstar... in fact i posted an ad tonight that im looking for a band so wish me luck i have good friends, one who will go out of his way to pick me up and take me with him to see drifting tomorrow 2 hours away because i cant afford gas money i took a new pic today, some noticed it's really good i am not gonna lie, probably my fav pic on my page now did i write too much? was it poetry or a blog? kinda a mix of both, really. the ones who read this are truly awesome and actually care about me thank you

She's such a pretty girl She's always falling down I think I just fell in love with her But she will never remember, member And I can always find her At the bottom of a plastic cup Drowning in drunk sincerity A Sad and Lonely Girl Quit crying your eyes out Quit crying your eyes out Baby, come on Is there something familiar about me The past is only the future with the lights on Quit crying your eyes out, baby She said: I think we're running out of alcohol Tonight, I hate this fucking town And all my best friends will be the death for me 'Cause they will never remember, 'member So please take me far away Before I'm melted to the ground And all my words get used against me you sad and lonely girl -Plus 44- Baby, Come On-

So you think you've been through it all But I can't help but wonder now Yesterday i found my worst regret I'll hide it away so no one ever knows I'm Dying I'm trying to leave Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on Every now and then I feel the end of us I never meant to say I'm sorry And I'm not sad to see you go The few who chased them up the concrete walls These days the sun don't shine here anymore I'm dying.. I'm trying to leave Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on Every now and then I feel the end of us I love the way you bleed inside my head Something's gotta change, I'm barely holding on Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on Every now and then I can feel the end of us I love the way you bleed inside my head (inside my head) Something's gotta change, I'm barely holding on Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on Every night and day I can feel the end of us I love the way you bleed inside my head (inside my head) Something's gotta change, I'm barely holding on -Plus 44- Weatherman