So I'm torn. Once again. Fighting myself inside of my head. Telling myself that "things aren't always as they seem." And although I am almost 100% sure about something, this is not a time to leave room for doubt. It's that word "almost" that keeps me from acting on my instincts. Which usually causes destruction in my life.
There are things in this world that you can't believe; or rather, choose not to believe. Things that you want to be wrong about, even though you know that odds are against you in a way that cannot possibly give you what you want. Things that you would give your whole heart and soul for in order for them not to be true, because you just don't want to hurt. You just don't want to believe that what you thought what real is no longer.
And in the end, you are usually right. And in that moment, when you find out the truth, you absolutely hate yourself for not going with your instinct. Or with the facts, for that matter. Everything pointed to what ended up being your worst nightmare come true. You think to yourself that you could have saved yourself from the horror, the pain, the "I told you so" that comes at you from every direction afterwards. You lose friends, you lose hope, you lose yourself. And for what?
Because you thought that maybe for once, you would be wrong. Because so many times before, you were right and it shattered your world completely. So is it better to just never put yourself in a situation like that, where you could end up virtually destructing yourself by making the choice to believe in someone? To have faith in someone?
