Captain's blog: "first thoughts"

hey who wants to own me? go bid for me u might get more then u pay for lol!

i was surfing the site and a saw a bulliten that caught my eye, which is what bullitens are supposed to do....but then i read it....and i will post it here just so you get the full affect....To Every Guy To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful." To every guy that's said, "Sex CAN wait" To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town (or across the stateline) to see her. To every guy that gives her flowers and a card when she is sick or down. To every guy who has given her flowers just because. To every guy that said he would die for her. To every guy that really would. To every guy that did what she wanted to do. To every guy that cried in front of her. To every guy that she cried in front of. To every guy that holds hands with her. To every guy that kisses her with meaning. To every guy that hugs her when she's sad. To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all. To every guy who would give their jacket up for her. To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe. To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes To every guy that would give his seat up. To every guy that just wants to cuddle. To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what. To every guy who told his secrets to her. To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath. To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one. To every guy that believed in her dreams. To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them. To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams. To every guy that walked her to her car and opened the door. To every guy that gave his heart. To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her. ...This one bulletin is for you... Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore... And because of this, there are not many left out there... I guarantee 90% of the men on your page will not repost this cuz they care more about their image ok now my problem with this is...yea there are some truths to it...that not many girls appreciate the nice guys so they are dwindleing...but if i fall into that category of nice guy...should i feel special cause some fuckin person wrote a bulliten to lay claim to the 4% of male america who actually care about someone enough to give them more than just a one night thing....im sry but this kind of shit makes me sick...so it will all b better if we just give them some online props for thier valient efforts yet society will continue to ffuck over the nice guys and girls of the world...and if this was a female who wrote this...it was prolly sum dumbass bitch who is still in a relationship with a 2 timing asshole...so speaking from someone who has been screwed over...save ur fuckin stupid ass bullitens...cause its not inspiring...in fact it will prolly cause more depression to those who like to try and forget about being hurt so many times...just my opinion but of course someone in this world will try and say i am wrong

frame of mind its been interesting to say the least. i managed to accomplish alot in the last few wks and its def been an elightening exp. some unfourtunate losses in the past couple months as well. some out of anyones control...but i feel others are completely in my control and i let the better of my emotions get to me. im not saying all responsibilies lie on me but for the most part i had alot to do with it...and i have been struggling with things that dont make sense to me and of course like any human being when something becomes consuming enough to the point where u feel emotionally drained you do one of 2 things...get mad at the ppl that dont deserve it...and withdrawn completely from any and everyone who loves you...and all basically because maybe someone that u feel close with only wants you to be soo close...and at first that upset me...but as i withdrew and stayed away i was hit with a quote that floored me....and it still haunts me...because it comes down to really one thing "I guess you have to decide, is the part of themselves that they are willing to share with you better than not having them at all" but i have to get out of this habit of seeing things as if my perspective was being seen...i have to stop seeing things for only face value...i go through life with the thinking that there should be a beginning a middle and an end to every scinereo...and sometimes...its not always about the ending....its about the journey...i lost that somewhere along the road...blinded by my own insecurities. I do long for the day tho....to be someones important. to kno that someone in this world aside from my own family, that accually wakes in the morning happy to kno that i am involved in thier lives...i get to witness it alot in life but never fully understood that concept on a personal level. however i do also realize there are some people in this world that are just destined to be alone through these times and i think i might be finally ok with that. not everyone needs someone to hold onto to feel safe. not everyone needs to run to someone else...some people are self sufficiant and that in society is perfectly accptable...in fact it takes some unwanted stress off of those who feel brought down by personal projected feelings....idk like i said its been a very confusing couple of wks and i have learned alot from the experiences i have been witness to...everyone is searching for something...the questions is...what is mine?

theres alot to be said about a great many things...mine has to do with love...but before we start assuming...no this is not the love as in lets get married or bang kind of love...this is a love for another person genuinely because they make you feel better knowing that at the end of the day those smiles of love will be there. but is it fair to have to sacrifice other desires so that you can in fact love? or should the responsibilities be shared between both individuals whoever they may be..idk my whole concept of love and friendship is totally blown i guess...sometimes you feel u have a purpose and other time u just dont feel...its simple really...simply complicated...i put alot of effot into loving someone and they are angry when u desire thier company..but claim to be one of ur greatest friends...it comsumes me