Tattooed Mama's blog: "feelings"

I was just wondering if there is anything wrong with me. I have yet to find someone with staying power. I know, good things come to those who wait, but I am sick of waiting. I was hoping there was something there with a guy that lives a hundred miles away, but I just found out he's moving to a different state, so that's down the tube. I just want to be cared about, loved. That's kinda why I joined Cherrytap, maybe to find someone who'll like me for me, and not what I look like or my past. I don't want to find a dad for my daughter, I'm looking for someone for me. I need to fulfill MY needs. Maybe one day I'll meet my prince.

Today is my son's birthday. He would have been 1 year old today. I miss him. I pray for him, and I know he's watching over me and my daughter. I LOVE YOU MATTIE!!!!

I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for my life to start going in the right direction. I'm ready to be a good mom to my daughter. I'm ready to be in a great relationship with a great man. I'm ready to make my daughter and job a top priority in my life. I'm ready to move on from my divorce. I'm ready to be someone, not just anyone. I'm ready to be a good friend to all the people who have been there for me through my rough times this year. I'm ready to grieve the loss of my son, and be ok with it. I'm ready to start taking care of myself. I'm just ready.

I found out today that my ex and his new fiancee are pregnant, and that makes me sad. I want a baby so bad, especially after losing my son to sids. They can't even grow up and they are having a baby. It's not fair. I'm twice the parent they are and they are getting the baby. I hate to say this, but I hope they miscarry so that baby doesn't have to be brought in the world with them as parents. I also want to be in a relationship so bad. I wanna be loved and cared for. I wanna wake up next to someone every morning and tell them how much I love them. I want to share my life with someone, to have babies with, and to grow old with. Someday I suppose. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what falls into my lap.

I got dumped today thru a text message. I'm not mad he broke up with me, I'm mad cuz he didn't have the balls to do it over the phone or in person. I still would have been upset, but not mad. I understand why he did, his ex wanted to work things out with him. I guess I need to just let it go. But it still hurts.