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I have had alot of free time on my hands here lately, and have had alot of time to think. Which for me has not always been a good thing :)
I think of my life prior military, and miss the perks of homelife. But would not change my decision for anything in the world. I am doing what I want to do, and what I believe in.
If I had one thing I miss more than anything besides my family, would be the ocean. It was always my happy place, the place I found comfort and understanding. I have walked many nights on the beach, with the sounds of the waves in the distance as I gazed at the moon above me.
Right there on that beach only a few steps from my house, I have experienced life, love and understanding. All experiences were not so great, yet they all played a part in who I am today. Some have their safe places, well that was and will be mine.
Just a small bit into my life.
Rather ironic I am here with plenty of sand but no water! lol
I find myself sitting here in my chu, not even eight in the morning yet. I have not went to sleep from my nights work. Tired, exhaustion, and heat surrounds me, but that is not what plagues my mind.
My thoughts are wrapped around one person, vivid images will not leave my mind. I picture her as a child when I first met her, us swinging and playing tag. I still believe the day she moved in next door was one of the happiest days of my life. I see her blonde hair blowing in the breeze as we walked many times hand in hand on the beach when we were older. How her eyes sparkled when the moonlight hit them. The taste of her lips the first time we kissed. The softness she brought into my life. We spent many years together, at first as young kids and then the years that followed. She will always remain my best friend, and I will always love her unconditionally.
I look back and think of the many times I could have been better, done things differently. Perhaps though you are not meant to spend your life with your best friend. Perhaps in the end friendship and love is never co-existing. Maybe you let yourself become each others crutch for so long, it suffocates you to a point where you want to break free from the comfort, but yet not lose it all at the same time.
When you are faced with situations beyond your control, beyond your sense of reasoning. It leaves you reliving every word from your last conversation, every word from the one prior, every argument, everything you wish you could change but cant. The not knowing, the uncertainties are draining. Seconds tick by like hours. Watching for an e-mail to pop up, praying it will come soon.
