Right now I cant believe some of the thoughts that are running through my brain. YIKES, once again I am over thinking. For some reason I keep asking myself if this is the right thing, me being in Germany. During the week I have no actual real human action besides Fubar and Camfrog, oh yeah can't forget the calls to the states. Right now I am feeling extremely lonely with him being gone as well as feeling extremely helpless when it comes to doing much around here. I am just hoping my thoughts are because I am lonely and I need something more fulfilling to pass my time with. I love that man with all my heart and when I told him tonight that we dont say I love you as much as we did when I was in the states, it makes my mind tend to wonder off. He explained to me at that time that he has alot of thinkings going on and sometimes he forgets. God I hope and pray that is correct, cuz it would totally crush me if not. This is the first time in my life that I have totally let all my guards down to be with someone. I used to be the strong independent and in control person. Now I feel very naive, like I am waiting for something bad to happen. All my past relationships including my screwed up marriage have always been bitter. This time it felt so right that I dropped the walls to my heart within a few months. I just hope this is all because I am tired and very lonely at the moment....
I can't believe I just put this out here on the net but I had to get it off my chest.
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