Lylith's blog: "Falling On My Face!!"

I never thought I would ever think about killing myself and I have. In the past year I've thought if I killed myself everyone would be happy including me. No one would have to worry about me besides it's not like they care. If I wasn't here driving people around, taking care of everyone them I wouldn't be in so much pain. My heart is cold now because the one person I loved doesn't care if I die or live anyhow. I'm tired of fighting for my spot in other people's lives that throwing the towel in would be perfect just to say good bye you cruel world and offing myself would be easy and painless with a gun stuck to my head let the bullets splatter my brains out I wouldn't be hurting no more and I wouldn't hurt no one any more. Yet here I still am thinking how sweet it would be to be dead. I really thought that we could help each other bc we both came from broken homes and broken lives that our love would have servived anything and everything but that's not the case. You never loved me like I loved you so there really is no need in me living because you have my heart and I will never take that from you. All I'm taking is my dignity and these weary old bones and I'm going to lay myself to sleep and if I wake to see another day them i will deal with what life has to throw at me yet again, and if not then please don't cry for me just know I tried and I failed and death is such a bitter sweet bliss. I rather be dead than to constantly think of how we could have been yet here I am and you don't care. So I bid you a farewell and ado to another day past. I was lucky enough for you to come into my life and see a broken woman lift her up and drop her on her head again. I tried to give you the stars while you have me scars. I tried my best at this life and all I got was death. So please if you see my obit don't cry just know it was one life gone that didn't matter, that wasn't worth you saving. You left an impression upon my heart that no one had ever done before and no one will do again because I got burned to the point there is nothing left but broken pieces and dust. I thank you for opening my eyes and heart to what I never seen and closing them to the pain and hurt that you left behind. Death is such sweet mizary.

I fall on my face all the time. I'm to caring and to nice to others I try not to judge everyone the same because everyone is different no one is the same. I fall on my face because I care to easly, I give everyone the benifit of a doubt that they won't run when I care for them but they run anyway. No one knows the pain I have gone through. I can relate to many peoples pain. I feel as if I'm stupid for caring so much. I feel like all I ever do in my life is help people and get shit on in the end. I cry everynight because I don't know what it is that makes me push everyone out of my life. I don't like being to close to anyone because I'm afraid of the hurt and the pain that I will endure in the end...