Who said you cant find happiness with someone that you barely know. I joined this site because my sister invited me. Not thinking anything of it. But I've come to be friends with some of these people. I dearly love talking to a few of them. They lift my spirits when I'm down. I was idiotic tonight. Made someone mad at me that I would never intentionally mean to hurt in any way. I wish I could turn back time...for I'm not sure at what point the downward spiral began. Its another thing to add to my list of let downs. I'm used to it...my whole life I've been a let down. This hit me differently though. I cared for this person....as odd as it may seem. I enjoyed talking with them and looked forward to the talks that we did get to have. I apologized....but sometimes apologies arent enough. I'm not sure what else to do....I dont handle things well...I steer clear of confrontations and stress of any kind. I havent had an easy life....yeayea everyone says that right.....I could tell you stories that would make you cringe. But I dont let it get me down. Maybe because I cope with things by pushing others away and not dealing rather than facing what I fear. I suppose that if I face my fears then it will finally become reality. That scares me more than anything. I guess that by making this friend mad....its brought up all these questions of why am I such a failure and why cant I do better with my life....maybe if I did my hair differently or wore my make up differently .... or acted differently.........somethings gotta change....I just dont know what.....................
