luellen's blog: "evening ..xox"

What Denomination? A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."

It's the time of the Old West. A citizen of the town comes running into the saloon and screams, "Big Bad Bart is coming! Big Bad Bart is coming! We gotta get outta town." Everyone gets up in a hurry and takes off as fast as they can, including the saloonkeeper, who when hopping over the bar slips on a beer and knocks himself unconscious. When he comes to, he makes his way outside to see the biggest, meanest man he's ever seen riding down the center of the town on two buffaloes, whipping them with a rattlesnake screaming, "Giddyup! Let's go, come on." He makes his way over to the saloonkeeper, dismounts, and enters the saloon. Breaking both doors off the hinges while entering, he walks up to the bar, slams his fist down, breaking the bar in half and hollers, "Gimme some beer in a gallon jug." After the saloonkeeper hands him the jug, he watches as the man drinks it in three seconds flat. When he's done with his drink, the man turns around to walk out the door. The saloonkeeper couldn't believe his eyes and wanted to see him do it again. He asks him, "Don't you want another beer?" The man turns around and says, "Heck no, Big Bad Bart is coming! I gotta get outta town!"

Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

Message From Santa...
Body: Dear Friends,

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.

I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking,
and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming.

The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.

On top of all this!

Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.

Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want.

This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone.

Love,

Santa

Using your body



Your sexual hidden talent is using your body's natural charm and beauty to seduce your partner. You are all about having the perfect body/looking good for your partner - and it does the trick every time.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

these are sooo gr8!