Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
replied,
"No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs
.
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought
prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have
my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got
my
leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a week "
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.
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