Domestic Violence....How is this defined? Domestic Violence is not easy to define. It can be physical or mental abuse. It can be as simple as one person blaming another for their own actions. Domestic Violence is an umbrella for so many actions/responses/feelings. Physical abuse...hurting another person...leaving bruises or broken bones. Mental abuse...making a person feel less than adequate....making someone believe that the actions of another are being caused by what someone else did or didn't do. Regardless of whether it's physical or not....everyone is responsible for their actions and there are consequences for all actions.... Often the victim returns to the abuser...sometimes for answers like "why did you do this to me?" This is the abusers way of keeping a hold on his victim. By making them feel that in some way, large or small, it was the victims actions that cause the response of the abuser. A seed is planted in the mind of the victim that grows making the victim feel like they have done something wrong...making them feel like they caused the abuse to happen... And that is how the abuser keeps "control" of the victim. Some people would say, "why would anyone go back to someone who has mistreated them?" The answer to that is trying to find answers.....In the last few months I have learned more about domestic violence that I have ever dreamt I would. Right after Thanksgiving, my daughter was home sick from school and her ex=bf came to the house, they argued and he hit her and when she tried to call me at work, he prevented that. He then put her in his car and took her on a ride that was pretty unpleasant for her. He threated to kill her saying that if she didn't love him, he may as well go to jail because he had nothing left. Well to make a long story short, I got her back, we filed charges and obtained a pfa. Our pfa is valid for 18 months...and last weekend, he violated the pfa and contacted her. He then called the police and reported that she had contacted him and was harassing him via text messages. He just "walked" right thru the pfa like it was nothing. H was arrested and placed in jail on Monday. We had a pfa violatin hearing
today. He was placed on probation for 6 months and fined the court costs. Will that stop him fron contacting her again. I would like to say yes, but who knows. I would like to think so but I don't have real high hopes at this point. In the last few weeks with the assistance of the local "Safe Place" & "Victim/Witness Protection" people, I have learned more about his type of violence that I thought I ever would. I hope that my daughter will agree to the counseling that is available to her to not only learn what a "healthy relationship" is and see that nothing she did or didn't do caused his actions but to see that she deserves better than this.
This whole procedure that we've went through has opened my eyes to see things that I don't think I ever wanted to see...but that's a whole nother story...one which I don't care to get into right now because I need to sort things out for myself.
I guess my point for writing this blog is two-fold. One to get some of this off my chest and two I urge all of you to think before you raise a hand to someone....or degrade them into thinking that they are worth nothing... think how you would feel if the roles were reversed. We all have to be accountable for our actions... Sometimes mental abuse is worse than physical abuse, in my eyes anyways. The physical wounds heal. The mental wounds don't. The mental wounds stick with you long after the incident making you feel less than adequate. I know this from personal experience.
Domestic violence is a vicious cycle. A young boy sees his dad abuse his mom..whether it be physical or mental and thinks "dad does it so it must be ok"....and the the son does the same to his significant other. Or a daugher sees her mother getting abused and thinks "mom put up with it so it must be ok"...this cycle needs to end. So please, please, please remember, we all have to be held accountable for our actions. When you are angry...stop and think before you take any actions....leave the room...go for a walk because the one you hurt will be the one you are supposed to love......
I apologize for this being so long and for those of you who do take the time to read it, thank you for listening.
