MISTER ALEX's blog: "DIARY OF A SINNER"

fill it and send it back in a message=] y=yes n=no m=maybe [] Push me into a wall and kiss me? [] Come To My House To Do Nothing But Chill? [] Slap Me? [] Kiss Me? [] Let Me Kiss You? [] Watch A Movie With Me? [] Take Me Out To Dinner? [] Take A Shower With Me? [] Take Me Home For The Night? [] Let Me Sleep In Your Bed? [] Take Me Anywhere With You [] Repost This For Me To Answer Your Questions? [] Lock Me In Your room And Take Advantage Of Me? []Let me lock you in your room and Take Advantage of you? [] Let Me Make You Breakfast? [] Make me breakfast? [] Tickle Me? [] Let Me Tickle You? [] Stick Up For Me if Was Being Put Down? [] Instant Message Me? [] Greet Me In Public? [] Hang Out With Me? [] Hold my waist from behind while we are out? [] Bring Me Around Your Friends? [] Fall in love with me [] Like me [] Love me Do You... [] Miss Me? [] Think I'm Sexy? [] Think I'm Cute? [] Think I'm Hot? [] Think I'm Ok? [] Think I'm Ugly? [] Want To Kiss Me? [] Want To Cuddle With Me? [] Want To Date Me? Am I... [] Smart? [] Funny? [] Cool? [] Loveable? [] Adorable? [] Great To Be With? [] Attractive? [] Mean? [] Ugly? [] Gorgeous? Have You Ever... [] Thought About Hooking Up With Me? [] Found Yourself Wanting To Kiss Me Non Stop? [] Wished I Were There? [] Had A Crush On Me? [] Wanted My Number? [] Had A Dream About Me? [] Been Distracted By Me? Are You... [] Happy You Know Me? [] Thinking About Me?

EVEN iF YOU HAVE A BOYFRiEND OR GIRLFRiEND- REPOST THiS! SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE SEND THiS BACK TO YOU! Ladies Title it "Boyfriend Application" Guys Title it "Girlfriend Application" 1. Your Name: 2. Age: 3. Fave Color: 4. Whats your sign? 5. Phone Number: 6. Location: 7. Height: 8. Hair (color and style): 9. Piercings/tattoos: HERE COMES THE FUN ... 1. Are we friends? 2. Do you have a crush on me? 3. Would you kiss me? 4. ...with tongue? 5. Would you enjoy it? 6. Would you ever ask me out? 7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater? 9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? 10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before? 11. Would you walk on the beach with me? 12. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me? 13. Do you/have you talked about me? 14. Do you think I'm a good person? 15. Would u take a nap with me? 16. Do you think I'm cute? 17. If you could change anything about me -would you? 18. Would you dance with me? 19. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? What Do You Think Of My...? 1. Personality: 2. Eyes: 3. Face: 4. Hair: W0ULD Y0U... give me your number?_______________ kiss me? let me kiss you? watch a movie with me? take me out to dinner? drive me somewhere hug me? buy me food? take me home to meet your family? would you let me sleep in your bed? sing car karaoke w/ me? sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone? re-post this for me to answer your questions? give me a piggyback ride? come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere Do YoU... think I'm cute? want to kiss me? want to cuddle with me? Am I... odd but fun? cute? funny? cool? interesting to talk to? HAVE YOU EVER... thought about me? thought there might be an "US"? thought about hookin up with me? found yourself wanting to kiss me? wished i were there?

A Real Life "Prison Sex" Story Of A Sexually Abused Child *CAUTION: Contains Graphic Content* Walking in my nighty, rubbing my eyes My fathers sitting on the sofa with his friend He pats the seat in the middle, i sit Shivering so cold, a quilt he lends "Jessy you love me dont you" I smile Their breathe spirts weep "Daddy you know I do, what is it?" He smiles at his friend, his hand creeps His friend takes my hand and looks me in the eyes Daddys creeping up my nighty with such cold hands I try to pull his hand away the grip is strong! They look at one another then nod, somethings planned I feel my palms sweat, Daddys under my knickers "Daddy im going to bed! Night" Pulling again But there grip is to strong for me I look at both, and ask, who are these men? His fingers going up me, pulling away His friend leans forward, a kiss? Why? His toungue moving mine, my eyes squint Lean back and away, "Why are you doing this?" No answer, I feel the pain inside me Chucks the quilt on the floor I try and scamper away, but im not fast "Oh Daddy please, I love you" His friend is pulling at my nighty And my Dad pulling my pants down His friend pinning my hands to the floor As my Dad lies himself on the ground I squirm, as Daddys friend pulls me up And places me ontop of Daddy, thrusts within I cry, I bite, I scratch, I slap, I fail "O Daddy please you win you win!" I can feel my skin rip, my virginity breaking free I can feel the blood seep down my leg "Daddy your hurting me please" I plead to him and his friend, not even a beg Daddys laughing, why does he laugh? His friend shoves himself in my mouth and moans Tieing my hands together, moving in and out "Ride me Jessy" He laughs and groans They smile at one another, laugh too They roll me over and spread me wide when My daddy sits on my face, himself in again While his friend talks and pushes himself inside I can hardly breathe; i gag for air I cough and splutter, cry and weep I beg and plead, but its no use They’ve already made me hurt and bleed I stare into his eyes, that look upon me This is not my Dad, where is he? If he was still here, would he care Would he actually even, see? Finally they get off and lie me on the sofa My cheeks blouchy from tears and pain They play with them selfs, all over me Rub it in, making me feel the shame "Why Daddy? Please tell me why?" Dad looks at his friend, and waves him away "Jessy I love you" he smiles and kisses my cheek "Is that all you have in your heart to say?" He puts my nightie on me and walks me to my bedroom door Ever since that night, His friend And himself every Friday come back for more "Night sweet Girl, You are my life" Closing the door, tears still down my face Still the smell of him and his friend Fade into me like disgrace I watch the Moon go down, the sun come up "Jessy its school" Knocking at my door I cant help but cry, weep in pain Because im so scared he wanted more But one night daddy took it too far Daddy and his friend came back for one last shot They were worried they would get caught So he and his friend took me to a cemetary lot I was blindfolded and my hands were tied back "Daddy please!! Not tonight!" Daddy and his friend both had their last fun After that I tried to put up a fight I begged daddy "Please no more!" All he could say "Shut up you stupid bitch!" Daddy unblindfolded me at last He said I love you so much He went back into the car and pulled out a bat "Daddy I swear I wont say a thing!!!!" I was dead After only one swing..........................

Is Satan Really Such a Bad Guy? According to Christianity, Satan is the epitome and embodiment of all evil things, described as "the father of all lies" in the Catholic Church’s Catechism. It is his works that tempt humans into doing bad deeds. If something evil occurs, we can be assured that Satan had something to do with it. The History of Satan According to Catholicism, Satan only exists because God allows him to, this raises some serious issues about how righteous God can be if he allows evil to exist, but I digress. Satan, as the story goes, began as the angel Lucifer, who outrightly rejected God and rebelled against him. God cast Lucifer and those who followed him into Hell, a place of eternal torture and despair, where God was not present. Like any good propoganda machine, Christian authorities have made sure to limit the disenimation of information on the enemy (Satan) to what they want the public to know. For example, we are never told why Satan rebelled against God. We’re never given his side of the story. Were Satan’s reasons for rejecting God and attempting to overthrow him legitimate? From where I’m standing, they could certainly be considered valid if the authorities see fit to hide them from the general public. For example, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the book that outlines Catholic beliefs in detail, has barely half a column in its index devoted to Satan and information on him, where as Jesus Christ has a full 6 pages! Sound like a propoganda machine to you, yet? Christian authorities have made some big mistakes with their anti-Satan propoganda machine, however. Since there is so little information available about Satan, there is no record of anything he’s done or any way to connect events to him. Christians simply and lazily accredit evil occurences to Satan. A good example are the events of September 11. Within weeks, a doctored picture was floating around the internet showing Satan’s face in the clouds of smoke and debris eminating from the two towers, thus unfairly making Satan out to be responsible for these tragedies. SATAN VS. GOD The only evidence we have to conclude Satan’s utter evil is God’s word, and frankly, God’s word isn’t worth too much. He’s shown a remarkable inconsistency in his actions and words, and he’s hardly above lying or dishonest conduct. Straight after giving Moses the first set of Ten Commandments (which included "Thou shalt not kill"), he let Moses go ahead and order the Levites to go on a mass-murdering rampages, which they did, but only after he talked God out of killing all the people! According to 2 Thessolonians 2:11-12, God will send a strong illusion to people so that they will believe lies, so he can condemn everyone to Hell. After giving Moses the Ten Commandments, God orchestrated a litany of atrocities through isoltated commandments that are simply too great in number to list here. I suggest checking out the The Skeptic’s Annotated Bible to see for yourself, specifically this section. These events are detailed in Exodus 32. In 2 Chronicles 18:22, God lies to prophets. Why should anyone take his word at face value if he has no problem with lying to us for no reason other than to have an excuse to condemn us to Hell? Who’s more evil? God or Satan? How can we determine this? Well, it’s a simple matter of looking at the actions of both God and Satan. Who’s commited more evil acts? Who’s done more harm to humanity? Who’s been the most oppressive? Is Satan really as bad as the Christian Smear Campaign makes him out to be? Let’s find out... GOD •God takes away Adam and Eve’s eternal life, thus commiting the first murder, and holds their descendants responsible and visiting Adam and Eve’s punishment down on their children. In today’s moral standards, the sins of the father die with the father. •God destroys all life on Earth in a great flood, except for a drunk (Noah) and his family, for failing to worship him. •God’s tenth plague upon the Israelites was the unjustified murder of all firstborn sons in Egypt, which undoubtedly included little children. •Before sending the plagues to Egypt, God "hardened Pharaoh’s heart" so that he wouldn’t let the Israelites go, so he could have an excuse to visit horrible plagues upon them, like boils, killing cattle and murdering all firstborn sons. (Exodus 4:21) •God orders the Levites to kill their "every man and his neighnor" for worshipping another god. This cost 3000 lives. (Exodus 32:27) •God sends a plague to the Israelites, apparently feeling that mass-butchery wasn’t enough of a punishment. (Exodus 32:35) •God kills Onan for refusing to impregnate his late brother’s (whom God also slew) wife and instead "spilling his seed on the ground." (Genesis 38:8-10) •God kills the entire populations of Soddom and Gammorah (again, including women, children and infants) for practicing certain sexual techniques. •God gives all Philistines hemorrhoids in their pubic areas. (1 Samuel 5:9) •God kills over 50,000 people for looking at an ark. (1 Samuel 6:19) •God kills 70,000 people because King David decided to have a census. (1 Chronicles 21:7-14) •God approves of slavery, and instructs owners to beat their slaves. (Proverbs 29:19) •And, finally, God makes sure that if you are guilty of even the smallest transgression, you shall suffer endlessly for all eternity, following a dramatic homecoming for Jesus, who will be extremely pissed off at everyone for putting him to death, even though it was just the Romans and even though he knew what was going to happen beforehand, and he could have easily avoided it by using his power as God to perform a miracle and prove who he was. (See the entire book of Revelation) SATAN •Satan, like Prometheus, gave knowledge to humanity by giving Eve the fruit from the forbidden tree. Because of Satan, humanity gained knowledge of good and evil, according to Genesis. Since we couldn’t have possessed knowledge of good and evil before eating the fruit, Adam and Eve couldn’t have known that eating the fruit was evil, so it seems a little harsh to punish them as severely as God did. Satan gave humans true capacity for moral judgment, unlike God, who simply expected everyone to mindlessly obey his orders. •There is no biblical record of Satan engaging in the murder of torture of any human being, unlike God, who is guilty (and proudly guilty) of commiting genocide. •There is no biblical record of Satan ever ordering someone to kill someone else, unlike God, who has repeatedly demanded the deaths of those who commit even the smallest of offenses. •Satan will not be holding a massively dramatic ceremony full of blood and death for the return of his son to Earth. God apparently will. It doesn’t take a mathematician to add up and compare God and Satan’s respective body counts. God has, after all, killed billions of people in a great flood. Satan never did anything like that. What was the only thing Satan did "wrong"? He rebelled against God, but wouldn’t you? Look at what kind of a God he is! He needlessly murders people in nearly every book and passage of the Old Testament! He created an entire race of people for the sole purpose of catoring to his own ego, and then gets mad when we don’t live up to our appointed role in life or question one of his decisions! He is a ruthless, dictatorial, narcissistic, sociopathic mass murderer. If I go to Hell for not worshipping him, so much the better. I’d rather spend eternity with Satan, someone who hasn’t treated the human race like disposable garbage, someone who has given knowledge to humanity rather than trying to suppress it. It’s time to stop this needless slandering of Satan’s name. Satan has done nothing to deserve it. He hasn’t killed anyone, publicly exonerated slavery, demanded our worship or threatened us with eternal damnation for not doing his bidding. It is God who is guilty of all these crimes. Satan’s done nothing but rebel against a repugnantly unjust authority figure, and he gets eternal damnation and association and blame for all evil on Earth! Meanwhile, Martin Luther King, Jr. gets a holiday named after him, and Satan was far more courageous that King was. After all, Satan stood up to an all powerful narcissist who made it clear that he never would change his mind on any issue. King at least had a democracy to work with. The Christian Smear Campaign toward Satan is completely unwarranted. Maybe, before criticizing Satan, they should look at the God they worship. Is Satan really a bad guy? Certainly not in comparison to God. In fact, I’d much rather have Satan running things. He just can’t be worse than God.

I walked through the local cemetery last night It was so quiet, everyone was at peace I felt so welcome, so at home there among the deceased I begun thinking, why do I continue on why do I inhale even one more breath when all I dream of is the eternal slumber that can only be brought about by death Grief and pain are the only inhabitants of a soul which would otherwise be an empty space Was it time for the end? This was the choice which I faced After all, everyday is merely a continuation of the one which preceded it There have been times when I felt slightly hopeful but there was never any hope when I most needed it And there is little I wish to recall the years are wrought with sadness I've lost my mind, a million times but I always find it again within madness As my heart has drifted along I knew it could not stay afloat with each day that passed I felt it sink deeper in misery's boat So there, amongst the dead I came to the conclusion That it was time to bring an end to my life's illusions The blood flowed like a river as I took a razor to my wrist I would have made preparations, said good-byes but, I doubt I'll be missed It became so cold as everything went black for the first time, I felt peace because I knew there was no going back No hope. No dreams. No anything. I had no further reason to try I no longer wished to live I do not regret the decision I made to die

i hate your assumption i hate your goddamned presumption i hate how you say i'm talking in circles just because one thing i believe eliminates ninety petty things you believe i 'm never going to get out of here i hate you i hate this place i hate living with you, i hate you. i hate you. i hate how you take for granted that i have no reason to leave i hate how you expect me to "just get over" your modify-everyone bullshit AND share a house with you. i hate this suffocation. i hate how you "won't go there" about things that matter to me i hate how you expect me to drop everything and fill in the blank. i hate how you get too close i hate how you just don't get it i hate how you'll never know what's inside me i hate how you demonize everything and everyone i love i hate you. i'm never going to get out of here and be anything i want to be because you'll always accuse me of settling for less i hate the less that you call "more" and i hate the nothing you call "something". fuck this place.

Gladly I would come to you and I would come willingly within the dark, But it seems that this hell fire love was never meant to be, I know you fear me and would worship me from afar, I realise that you love me and would always give your life for your star, But still I can't help but wonder at your normal clothes, I can't help but laugh at the lack of sadistic content, I feel that even though you stay by me you'd never surrender to the night, I realise now that I can never turn you against the light, I thought time would heal you and so I kept you lingering, I thought it would help but it made your wound deeper, Every cut every bruise that you endured sliced into my heart, Every cruel word you ignored pulled us further apart, I would have made you so happy; I would have given you anything, I would have shown you every pleasure you could want, But I guess that you never wanted this thing, my tainted love, You wished for me to spread my wings and fly to the light above, But that could never be but I would have if I were able, But I was bound to the earth by the blood of my victims, This can no longer be real; it must remain an unattainable dream, Listening to our regrets, singing while they scream, A chance happening of a wandering angel, Brought you face to face with me, I bet you wish you had never witnessed that despicable deed, Wished you had never allowed me to reaped like an evil seed, But this is what I am; this is what you are, This is why we can never be as one, From the start of the very first genesis, To the end of my arch nemesis, I kept you hanging by an invisible thread of deceit, I kept you wondering my true intent, I kept you wrapped up safe in a web of sadist lies, Listening and writhing in pleasure from your cries, Believe me when I say I cannot love, for I do not its meaning, I know about hate and pain but about them you are ignorant, How can we be together as opposite as we are? If I were you would you still worship me from afar? If pain was your bondage and I held the whip, would you still love me? If sorrow was your medicine and I was the needle's chrome blade, Would that you were someone new away from all my hate? Would you leave believing this was not your fate? If I were not the demon I am deep inside would you still fear me? If I were another pitiful whore in your bed would you still worship me? If I was black or red would you hate me for my creed? If I were weak and powerless would you make me bleed? I can't help but wonder about these things, the things that break my mind, I can help but imagine how many others you've had like this, In the blackness of eternal regret, drowning in your kisses of deep despair, Ice cold eyes roving over burning flesh, knife like fingers running through my hair, Erotic fire breathing on my cold skin, shaking the earth to its brittle core, Obsidian caresses curling at my throat, I can't help but wonder at the irony of it all, Watching as the angels fall, If I were the light instead of the dark would you still want me? If I were the good instead of the bad would you still crave me? I wonder if I didn't resist could you still call it rape? If I felt angry would you bend me out of shape, If I were different entirely would I still hold your desire, If I were the demon instead of you would I care? I suppose that it the end it did some good, Because now me and you are bound by blood, You are my demon, my devil, my dark despairing lover, You didn't want me but you had me anyway, And you discovered the demon inside me, You held me tightly all through the night, and you set my darkness free, We can at last be one; we can take on the world, Masking our pain and blackness like you once did, We will crawl into every human's heart and soul, We will destroy them; kill all that's whole, Another night will come and with it your nightshade grin, Another flame to add to our passion of fire, But still I wonder what if we never connected together? What if we never found each other? Ever? Would we still wander in the blackness of this void? Pretending that we're not who we are inside, Wondering about things that we hear and feel and see? Would I still long for you to come and set me free?

LOVE... Ok we all know this has to play a factor in anything...you have to have the ability to love....yeah yeah puke it up on that word....LOVE....hahaha had to rub it in one more time....If you aren't ready to want love then you shouldn't even be looking...life to me goes like this...You are born...you are raised to learn how to grow and accomplish things...you fall in love you have children and you start the cycle all over again with your kids....Love should be something sacred something that is going to last a lifetime...yeah I know it doesn't but that is because people are shallow and don't look deep inside of what they need to be seeing...I have a very kind and giving heart and it's not to play with or be stomped on...so if you are a game player and like to be a dick...get off my porch...I know your type and had the game played on me many times...I look deep into a person's soul..into their eyes and find the inner person and what I am looking for and well so far...I found ONE...PEOPLE ONE!!! How pathetic is that shit...out of all the women in this world or this state even there is one I found that is awesome....where the fuck are the rest of you....I know there are more of you out there...I am so tired of hearing that I am an awesome dude but just friends...If my ass is so awesome then why the fuck am I alone...huh...haha PASSION... All this shit should be one category cuz it's all the same in a nutshell here....passion....throw my ass up against a wall and take me...haha....I like my woman to be in control of that shit...make it a smutty dirty romance novel here people...I like things rough..., I like biting and all that good shit...and so should the woman I am looking for..there are times for this...hence "romance" and I am coming to that now...haha ROMANCE... Ok ok I do have a sensitive side...(actually I am a very shy, sensitive, loving person) haha...there are times I like to just sit with a woman and cuddle..if you can't do this then see ya....A starry night, a movie with a blanket.. a fire going when you are camping that shit is awesome. Touching me in ways a woman can touch me without showing me money or buying me things is the best....stand there and touch me gently..or walk by and kiss me or grab my ass lol to let me know you are thinking about me and you find me attractive....that is the bomb shit there... CONCLUSION.... Now the way I see things is if a woman is going to sit there and look at me and say hey he isn't good enough for me because of what he looks like...then FUCK YOU!!! I ain't for that game anymore...I know I look good...hell I am 23 fucking years old.I know I Fucking ROCK!!....so if you want to play that outer shell bullshit game with me then move the fuck on....I am worth the time of a woman and I am worth getting to know and I do deserve the chance these skinny litte money hungry stupid bimbo's are getting....people (including myself) sit here and say well I have been scorned and abused and hurt and I loved that person so much...yeah it hurts like a bitch...so it's time to move the fuck on already...what are you going to sit there and be miserable the rest of your life...well honey I am here to tell you life is to short live it...love it....Don't sit there and dwell on the past move on with the future...try new things....have fun...so what if you "fall" for someone....fuck go for it..it don't work, then it don't work...it does more power to ya....you can sit there and call me insensitive or say I have an ego...no that isn't it at all, I got tired of looking in the mirror and seeing what the losers I was with saw and saying eww you are ugly you aren't worth anyones time...fuck that shit! I am worth it...any woman should love to be with me whether it be dating or just friends...I am the shit on the inside as well and that is what matters the most..sure looks help and I am going to get to that...but hey if you can't talk to the person then you ain't got shit...

What could you say, if your daughter ever got raped? or say your son was a mass murderer, or had a life you couldn’t escape? What could you say, if your body was so broken, because your father beat you, and called you names the remain unspoken? what could you say if you fell into depression became bulimic or anorexic because of your body’s imperfections? what could you say, if tear came to my eyes? would you hold me tightly in your arms? or simply watch me cry what could you say if my words came to an end? Would you help me recover from broken hopes and help me make amends what would you say if I were never here would you continue on with everyday life as I slowly disappear? 12:16 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, March 10, 2008 Graveyard Suicide Category: Writing and Poetry Graveyard Suicide written by acs 1/1/08 I walked through the local cemetery last night It was so quiet, everyone was at peace I felt so welcome, so at home there among the deceased I begun thinking, why do I continue on why do I inhale even one more breath when all I dream of is the eternal slumber that can only be brought about by death Grief and pain are the only inhabitants of a soul which would otherwise be an empty space Was it time for the end? This was the choice which I faced After all, everyday is merely a continuation of the one which preceded it There have been times when I felt slightly hopeful but there was never any hope when I most needed it And there is little I wish to recall the years are wrought with sadness I've lost my mind, a million times but I always find it again within madness As my heart has drifted along I knew it could not stay afloat with each day that passed I felt it sink deeper in misery's boat So there, amongst the dead I came to the conclusion That it was time to bring an end to my life's illusions The blood flowed like a river as I took a razor to my wrist I would have made preparations, said good-byes but, I doubt I'll be missed It became so cold as everything went black for the first time, I felt peace because I knew there was no going back No hope. No dreams. No anything. I had no further reason to try I no longer wished to live I do not regret the decision I made to die

Impertinent whelp foolishly offensive with no cause! Insults flung wrecklessly to the winds never directly facing or speaking to the one offended. Ignorant fledgling clumsily screaming over innocent matters! Foulness spread distastefully into the world without focus. Incapable pup carelessly carrying on in the shade of an indecent master. Anger pointlessly displayed for few to see as you cower behind indirect assaults that leave you empty, a hollowed out pretender. Insolent infant unwittingly stirring the attention of a vengeance poisoned beast! Rage and madness stalk you from every shadow, creep by the corner of your eye, and ache to watch you suffer. Impotent babe unaware of what it means to know magnificence! Pain, sorrow, malevolence, and a cursed lonely existence are tortures you will endure for blotting out my sunshine and silencing my laughter. I leave you with all the shattered pieces and your happily never after!