Dear Kotex:
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a
bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.
Annoying advice such as:
Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and
feeling fresh.
Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has
never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and
tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water
will help keep her feeling fresh.
Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from
h*ll...but go ahead...I triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya...See what
happens and report back. I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove
the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggen-tee
that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess
what, the only activities that interests me is eating..sleeping..
b$tching or crying for no apparent reason. ...and oh...does
ripping someone's head off count as a friggen' activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their
feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing
"helpful" crap like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females
have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many
containing alcohol & barbituates.
Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand
that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to
mention rude, and is enough to send a girl running to the
Always brand.
It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding
smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your
products or the packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown
wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it
blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink
package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the
store. Why don't ya just add an in-store microphone to the
damn package & announce that...helloooo, another female in
the store is on the rag!!!!!
So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley
faces and shove them right up your @$$.
PS How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot
of Bourbon to your packages instead!!!
